Laying in the dentist chair again listening to pre-recorded audio through my stupid button-less brick phone and music device, I had to switch tracks. So I go through the miming actions of trying to feel out the right buttons and of course know I’ve failed again when I hear a phone ringing. Ug. Who is it this time? I raised the phone into view after aimless tapping didn’t work while trying to find the cancel button and didnt want to have to hang up on someone after they said hello already like last time.
I look at the phone and its calling Jimmy. Faaack. So I smack the dentists arm out of the way so I can get out of the home screen, back into the phone section and cancel that shit, almost cutting off multiple teeth from the dental drill in the process. I was able to end the call after only 3 rings. That’s enough to where maybe he won’t see it right?
Oh, you’re lost? Okay, well Jimmy and I aren’t friends anymore. We broke up the bromance June 08 when I dumped him for being a doucher with douchie little secrets [mainly a secret rendevous where coitus may or may not have been involved with my whore ex-gf]. Normal richardland policy is to keep broken friendships in the phone for up to a year so I know if they call, but I gave Jimmy an extension because he called a few months after the breaking asking if I wanted to be friends again. That was nice – I couldn’t accept of course, cuzfuckthat (you can’t just be like “hey, have I waited you out yet?” and hope i’ve just forgotten about shit) but the notion was real nice and showed real “he could come back from this” potential, so I kept him in the address book filed under “bad people”.
But he doesnt have that rule, so he’s not even gonna know its me. right? Ya. This is fine. it’ll be good. Except not really cuz he called back a few hours later. I have voicemail blocked unless you’re on an exclusive whitelist so he couldn’t leave a message. whew. I can just ignore this and pretend it never happened now, right? DAMMIT. He just texted me…
DAMMIT Bussey. Idk what to say to that… Cuz it could mean “you need something from me now you little bitch? hm? that why you’re crawlin back?” or it could mean “I saw that you attempted to contact me and I was concerned that you might be in need of service or assistance and despite our relationship status I’m still here to help if you need it”. Fuck you. That’s smooth. Plus he uses “u” instead of “you” to show he’s all casual and easybreazy like it aint no thang. DAMMIT.
Saw u called.. .. just checking to see if u need somethimg,
Wtf is that comma there for? Was he gonna write more and then deleted it? Something that would put further context to the intended tone? DAMN him taking Journalism in High School. He’s out-editing me.
Okay. just be cool. don’t panic… I came up with some possible responses and analyzed them:
1.) THE RECONCILER:
yes. I need you. back in my life… friend
DREAM ON hippies. we don’t do that shit in richardland. I’ll die without a friend in the world before I settle for ones I don’t respect and can’t trust, and I NEVER allow passage of time to excuse an unpunished crime.
2.) THE UNNECESSARILY HARSH & GHETTO BLASTBACK:
what, you think I would need anything from YOU? I cawled yo dumb ass by accident fool. sh!t n%gger. you aint nuthin. get tha f#ck up off mah phone.
Mmm. It would be fun. but would be entirely inappropriate for the circumstances considering we’re not fighting or are enemies. We ended the friendship on a gentlemens disagreement along the lines of “you suck at life. we’re not friends now. good day…”. So if I snapped back at a polite return contact (that I DID initiate after all), then I’d earn major douche points.
3.) THE MYSTERY:
Sorry. Disregard it please.
No details. no admission that it was an accident or implication it was intentional. Just a quick “nevermind” that leaves him to roam the earth forever as the madness of never knowing slowly eats away at his sanity. hmm…
4.) THE SUBTLE BAITED PARTING JAB
It was a mistake
and hoping he replies “what was a mistake?” I text back:
being friends with you
ooooo. snap dawg.
5.) THE COWARDS APPROACH:
[no response]
Myea… this is the one I ended up choosing… :/
