My Uncle the Snob
My parents and I went to a cousins wedding in Maine in September 2006. I was on a business trip to New York so they flew into JFK and picked me up with a rental car and drove up to Maine for the wedding.
On the way back to New York we drove with some other family groups who were driving to Boston and we all stopped in New Hampshire for lunch. Afterward we all went our separate ways. In the ensuing drive, my dad brought up the annual “you’re a failure doin this internet and Hollywood garbage so when are you going to go to college and make something of your life?” scolding. But this time with an added reason: My uncle, who’s name starts with a B and rhymes with Plyin, had noted to my dad that I wasn’t making any money because if I had, then I would (or should) have offered to pick up the check for everyone. Adding further that either of his kids would have surely not allowed anyone but them to pay for the meal.
There are so many things wrong with that, not the least of which being that the comment itself was a totally dick thing to say, but lets explore the most obvious logic holes in my uncle name rhymes with Plyin’s rules of engagement:
The meal attendee’s consisted of my mom, dad, grandma, uncle and his wife, aunt, cousin, cousin2 and her husband and uncle and his wife. 11 people. No one expects my grandma to pay for anything ever anymore so that makes 10 possible check picker uppers. First, there’s the obvious question of why wouldn’t everyone just pay for their own meal - the answer to which, I have no idea. So one could try and figure out the pyramid of each persons “pay for everyone” expectation, but instead of trying to psychoanalyze his thought process, lets just weigh the merit of his end result: I should have paid for everyone’s lunch.
Ignoring that it was other people who suggested lunch, picked the place, invited everyone, ect - why would one of the offspring be expected to pay not only for their parents, but for the whole table? Further: I was one of 3 offspring, none of whom offered to pay for the table either. So why was I singled out? and should it matter that my 2 cousins are both 15 years older than I?
What the honkey tonk funkytown was going through my uncle’s rhyme’s with Plyin’s head that made him think it was at all appropriate, let alone expected for the youngest family member at the table to pay for everyone? Since its impossible to decipher, I shrugged it off to him just being kind of a jerk and moved on.
Then a year later in August 2007, we are down in Coranado (San Diego) for another Bushnell cousins wedding. We go out to dinner the night before the event with a table of 16 or so people. My uncle rhymes with Plyin sits across from me. Before anyone has ordered, he is already arguing with my dad over who gets to pay for who. I’m in amazement at how flipping ridiculous and elitist the whole concept is. Who the hell cares? I keep thinking to myself. “I wanna pay for your dinner tonight” should be answered in this case with a simple “F you, I wanted to pay for YOUR dinner tonight, but since it doesn’t frigging matter to me, I will either accept the offer or say no thank you and we each pay for our own”. It’s not rocket science. And if one feels some smug sense of accomplishment because he force-paid for your meal, then you’re probably doing him a psychological favor.
But no, they bickered and got annoyed with each other over it until an agreement was made. Before and after that though, my uncle made several “Richard’s paying for the meal” jokey comments. Which was awkward because of the “several” aspect. One line would have been harr harr, very cute. But bringing it up again in different forms showed definite signs of wtf is with this guy.
For whatever reason, this particular uncle thinks I’m a bum and that no one is pointing it out (or at least not enough). It’s weird. It’s amusing. And yes, despite all his great personal qualities, it makes him a total snob.
Tags: Elitism, Money, Richards Dad, richards family