Life imitates art: a girl just told me “you’re so confusing Richard. you always say exactly what you’re thinking. what kind of weird head game is that?” – 1) being serious, not at all self-aware or ironic and 2) completely oblivious that that’s almost an exact line from an episode of The Office (minus the “head” in “head game” and i think in the show she says “complicated”, not “confusing”) satirizing exactly that kind of dense fakery mindset.

are you fucking kidding me Kraft Foods? i haven’t had a pizza Lunchables in at least 9 years so i pop one open for dinner after coming home late only to find out you deleted the sauce spreading stick from the pack? what the fuck? this better be a mistake. cuz this is fucking bullshit.

so far im not finding any answers…

When I saw that a Facebook friend had changed her icon to the two main characters in Jim Hensons Labyrinth, I went in for an obvious comment thread starter…until SOMEONE acid rained on my parade…

“Original” Cap’n Crunch without Crunch Berries is like when ex-girlfriends wanna be friends with you. um, why would i want to REMOVE enhancements from a product i like? as in – make them not even available. at least when they’re present i can choose to eat the berries and in what quantity and proportion to the Crunch. but if they’re gone then i’m left with a limited and inferior product. how is that fun for me? it does nothing but highlight how lame and uninteresting the Crunch crispies are by themselves. are you still following my “lets be friends” analogy, ladies?

We’re willing to tear up the inside of our mouth with the cut-glass nature of the Crunchies because they’re mixed in with Berries and together, it converts the bowl into a net-positive experience.

We know a bum deal when we see it, and straight Cap’n Crunch is a suckers game.

Likewise, a box of Oops, All Berries is – like it’s relationship parallel – fun for a bowl or two and then you’re done with it.

Havent talked to Tyler Houser in 7 years. so I was more than a little shocked when I saw him in the produce aisle of the fkking grocery store here in Southern California…

I walked 2 steps into Ralphs here in Thousand Oaks and hear “RICHARD!”. I look out yonder past the oranges and a tall bearded Lumberjack is approaching me. I dont recognize the face so clearly this is a stranger mistaking me for someone else or talking to someone behind or nearby m—oh my god it’s Tyler…

(videos of me & tyler here: http://rtv.richardland.com/index.php?s=tyler – though they use the old player which is very buggy now)

Chris Wheeler from DammitWheeler.com’s girlfriend of the past 4 months just gave birth to a baby girl fathered by the gentleman she was in a previous relationship with and as you may know – there is a Chris Jr that happened about 5 years ago which… is exactly the age Prince Phillip was in the opening scene in Sleeping Beauty…

I couldn’t resist….

“Fondly had these monarchs dreamed one day their kingdoms to unite. Thus today
would they announce that Phillip [Chris], Hubert’s [Chris Wheeler] son and heir, to Stefan’s [Ashley] child would be betrothed. And so to her his gift he brought, and looked, unknowing, on his future
bride.” – Walt Disneys Sleeping Beauty, 1959

OR – DammitWheeler.com real life re-enactment…

Cotton candy & banana was a good choice… e

very time i think $5 is too much for a single serving of ice cream, Coldstone Creamery reminds me i’m wrong.
every spoon full of this stuff makes me want to just give them direct access to my savings account.

The only bonus to having to drive to LA this early in the morning (5AM) is the breakfast sandwich @ Mcdonalds ill soon be shoving down my face in the car… mmmm. always love an excuse to have one of those. never actually bought one in-store before. only grabbed em in airports.

UPDATE: idk which is more disturbing: that 4 bacon, egg & cheese biscuit sandwiches total $15 or the fact that I ate 4 of those magical little discs of saturated fat, whose serving size is probably 1/5th of 1… seriously: four (4). the first one was gone with the wind, the second took a few bites and i thought i would be done. those were both in the car, so when i got home i was about to put the 2 extras in the fridge until i decided they werent extra, they were part of the meal. so i downed the 3rd… waited awhile… cried… and ate 90% of the 4th (remaining 10% for breakfast tomorrow).

i.. feel… like every heart beat is a 150 pound bench press… even typing this is making me a little winded…

After posting this confession on facebook, someone informed me of THIS monstrosity… the Big Mac…WRAP… eewwww. all wraps are disgusting but god lord, this Mac thing looks exceptionally horrendous and wrong.
the added notion that apparently Mcdonalds wants you to fuck it is even more gross.

whorin it up for tha MAN…
booking a months worth of modeling gigs, cuz spazzy humor youtube videos don’t pay the bills. yet.

im also killing this salad bowl of Cap’n Crunch.

word.

so: Captain Planet’s Planeteers… we can all agree that “heart” was the most fucking gay and useless one in the bunch, but whats the best? the easy answer sounds like fire, but you could do a lot with earth if you think about it and personally – i always thought wind was underrated. discuss….

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