Richardland Blog

This random snapshot of me in the office watching tv looks extra zombie/freaky like, so I had to share…

Stupid Oscars. “Oh, we’re givin out little trophies if we think u done good with ur moovieees. Everyone better come make a big ass deal about it!”

It’s 12 hours long and for what? To hand out gold statues of naked men to actors and film workers. oooOOooo. Big flippin deal. Oh, you’re the BEST because the Academy said so. Ooooo. The Academyyyy. Wow. Die.

I don’t ever want to be nominated for an Oscar. I don’t ever want to win an Oscar. I don’t ever want to make a “thank you” speech because I’d have no one to thank.  I did all the work. Hellooo. Give the award to my mom, my wife, my coworkers or my dog if they were sooo intrigal to my getting it.

And yes, unnamed entertainment/hollywood show, I DO still feel this way. So don’t think you’re all bein cute by digging up this blog and asking if I’ve changed my mind now that I’m a bigshot nominee. You know I’ll be gracious about it. But I’ll still feel the same. I don’t care about ur stooopid statues. So bitez me.

My adoring fans are asking what happened to my face and why I have a Band-Aid on in my breakfast smoothie lollipop jam-out video that was a surprise hit.

Obviously some injury, but what? Slice myself with a knife? Finger nail clipping accident? Tree branch? Others have hypothesized that perhaps I was just covering up a n unsightly pimple.

I thought its inclusion in the video was obvious, but I guess I have to explain.
I was being badass like Nelly… The rapper. Duh.

Apparently I know so little about popular culture that the Nelly Band-Aid thing was years ago and no one remembers cuz he doesn’t do it anymore. Is he even still alive?

He was my neighbor in Lake St Louis ya know. Jimmy played basketball with him.

So see? I know stuff…

Well whatever. Here’s a screenshot of the part where I swing the camera around with an exposed cheek. I forgot to put it on then. You can see I am uninjured, but thanks for your concern.

Watch the video here >>
Even though you’re totally dumb if you didn’t know the link at the begining of this post was a link to the video. Idiot. Why you gotta make me repeat myself like sum chump? Go to hell.

I just tried a whole bunch of times. I can’t do it. And if I can’t do it, its impossible.

Every time I felt a sneeze coming on I submerged myself and - bam - no sneeze. So next time you’re about to a-choo all over the place, just dunk your head in some water and you’ll be fine.

But I’m not responsible if you drown. But you won’t. But that’s not a guarantee. But chances are you’ll be fine. But in the event that you’re not - refer to the previously made disclaimer. But seriously, don’t be worried about it, cuz I’m almost positive you’ll be okay. I mean like, its possible you could have a pre-existing condition that you didn’t know about and then it kills you cuz of the pressure in your head from the water stopping sneeze thing, but you really just have to consider the odds of that happening. I don’t know what they are, but you should consider them. I don’t know how you consider statistics you don’t know, but that’s not really my problem now is it? All I wanted to do was show you how to stop a sneeze and now you’ve turned it into this. You know why? Because of freakin lawyers in America.

And that’s why we need tort reform in this country.
In November, vote YES on Prop A.