Richardland Blog

I was headed through Orange County for some afternoon beaching last Sunday when my female chauffeur decided she needed water and was looking for a fast food place to get one at. She planned to just ask for a cup of ice water and I objected and said she should buy something to get it since they’re not in the business of handing out free water. I objected more when she revealed that she was sure she wouldn’t get charged cuz she was a young, cute girl, but then grew more accepting when she said that if they did charge something it would be a few coins and not more, as judged by past expiriences.

She ran into the curb with a loud enough bang that made me have to exit the vehicle and make sure nothing was popped or broken, while pulling into a Burger King, so I dropped the water debate from there to not add further stress to this already terrible woman driver.

We pull up to Burger Kings drive through and asked for an ice water when a voice struggling with the English language replied  that “we nah hah no water”. We gave the obvious “wtf” reply in polite terms and after a pause where I think the man behind the microphone asked a superior how to handle the situation and he repeated that they don’t have water, but we could get a bottled water for $1.25 or come inside and get a cup.

Huh? I would have politely explained how god damn ridiculous what he just said was, but of course being a woman and naturally weak in all ways, she ceded and quickly ordered the bottled water.

While driving around to the window though I was persuasive enough to get her to screw Whitey (or in this case, probably not-so-whitey) and drive off instead of continuing the turn around the corner.  She did. And we didn’t give Burger King the satisfaction of charging us a dollar twenty five for water that would have been overpriced at just .25 and we would have gladly paid.

Oddly, the temperature rose instead of declined as the day  wore on and we were both miserably thirsty for hours until we finally got back to her place.

I just used Facebooks “add everyone on your aim buddy list” feature, thinking the one I had on file with them was my private screen name with 60 or so friends and family.

Instead it added everyone on my public aim name and I had to keep responding to the dozens of people who were asking me what was up with the invite. That aim name had everyone who had IMed me in the last 3 years in its ‘recent buddies’ tab, so all of those people got friend invites. It got to the point where I had to just paste a reply explaining the situation and saying sorry. What was worse though, were all the people who accepted the friend request and were genuinely touched that I asked to be their friend.

Facebook’s invitation didn’t tell them that I pressed a button and mass added a ton of people, so each one just naturally assumed that I had them on my mind and searched for them to hand pick them out. Oof.

So what do I do then? Do I embarrass them by responding to their “im so glad you found me!” messages with “actually, I didn’t”? Or do I lie-through-withholding-information and just zip up about it? It all feels dirty and wrong no matter what way you slice it. I don’t use Facebook for the exclusivity and I’m more than happy to have random people I don’t know in my friends list there - but what about them? Would they feel the same way if they knew I didn’t zero in on them?

The total number of people who had Facebook and accepted the friend request was three hundred and sixty four.

Some of them have already begun to delete me since the posting of this blog.

Originally posted on my facebook account in the Notes section.. 

This is what I’ve been missing out on for the past 2 years? this is friggin lame. no wonder facebook kept a country club exclusivity for so long - they didn’t want the rest of the world to know how useless they were. I should have suspected sooner that my dopey friends were suffering from an Emperors New Clothes Syndrome when they couldn’t explain what was so great about facebook except that “it just is”. For a brief time I considered the possibility that it was on the level of myself and similarly to the “why is Richard so awesome?” question, they just didn’t have the vocabulary to express it appropriatly. cha. no.

It seems that almost every feature that makes this site unique is recently added. and sucks. You can’t even turn off email notices from this crap and when you try, the FAQ answers by saying “its tough being popular. unfortunately there is no way to turn this obnoxious and unnecessary feature off”. Gee thanks. Assholes. This “news feed” garbage? Who the hell wants that? Telling everyone who you’re in a relationship with and when you break up? F that. How the hell am I supposed to hit on college chicks in Wyoming when they can just click over to my ball and chain and get discouraged since they’ll never be that hot? And what the hell am I writing this in anyway? “notes”? how bout “NOTS” *audience applause*

But seriously. Why am I so kick ass? Never mind. Facebook users aren’t smart enough to answer that. Most college students aren’t. Which is why I didn’t go to college. It makes you stupid. Unless you’re going into a natural or social science, college is a total scam. 1 to three years at a community college or straight to a trade school to get the learning and papers for a specific job and you’re fine. I know this news might piss you off, but let me illustrate my point…

At the end of my first paragraph I spelled “appropriately” wrong. If you caught it and thought you were hot shit because of it and were about to send me a message letting me know what an uneducated boob I am - congratulations - college has made you stupid. ONLY a college student is intellectually shallow enough to see a missing “e” in a typed facebook note and declare it as sufficient evidence against someone’s education. So depraved are they that they are completely oblivious to the fact that even egregious errors in grammar have never been a societal standard of worth or intellect. Not when our House & Senate consisted mostly of farmers and merchants, not when Mark Twain was writing culture changing satire, and not when a Texas governor is elected to a second presidential term with the highest number of votes in American History.

So its an interesting conclusion that facebook is an unnecessary time waster that won’t improve your life long-term, since its target demographic is a group that wasted their time with something unnecessary that won’t improve their life in the long term.

Delicious.

And oddly, I feel guilty.

I have. I didn’t just now, but I have before. I’m writing about it now cuz someone just IMed me and asked me and I thought it was worthy to catalog here. So I did. And I have nothing further to say about it.

That’s right. It’s just a question. Do with it what you will. Ponder over it awhile. Re-live the feeling if you’ve done it before. Imagine what it would be like if you havn’t. Its your choice really. Do with it what you will. This is my gift to you.

You’re welcome.

God Bless You.

To some of you, this may come as a shock. But this man, is NOT the fellow from One Night at McCool’s, There’s Something About Mary, Wild Things and Crash:

That’s right. The man above is Kevin Dillon. The guy from Entourage, Poseidon, and Tales from the Crypt (Les Wilton, 1 episode, 1993).

Matt Dillon, from the prementioned projects is THIS guy (in character from Something About Mary):

Now you know….