Ever since Facebook opened its slutty thighs to every developer on the internet that wanted a piece of their sweet college tang, it has been at least 14% less cool. Now I get weirdass requests to and for things that don’t make any sense or are totally gay.
There are a couple that are obvious(ly stupid), but most of them are just really odd and retarded. Someone sent me a ‘hawaiian luau invitation‘ and a few inquisitive clicks later, I have suddenly also invited 20 people on my friends list to the luau as well. What the hell? Now what? When does this take place. And where? I have an apartment on Oahu. Did I just volunteer to host a frigging themed Facebook party now? Did I for real just invite 19 people I went to high school with and never talked to since, and one girl I’ve never met or talked to at all who lives in Mississippi but I thought she was cute so I added her?
What about the you’re hot request. Is someone requesting some of my hotness? Cuz, um, no? Just cuz I have an unlimited supply doesn’t mean I’m sharing. Sharing is for suckers and unpopular people. And even if I were in a generous mood, that crap wouldn’t be free. You think you can just have some just cuz you asked? Go to hell ugly Betty. You didn’t even “ask” ask. You just hit a freaking button. You think that deserves anything more than my spit? How bout you just take your loser, beauty pan handling to an employer and earn some cash for plastic surgery like the American way dictates. Frigging communist.
The Superpoke? pfff. more like the Super Joke. (eh?)
Backup Spouse? Awesome. So if your first pick at a spouse gets hit by a truck, decides to run off with his secretary or otherwise taps out, then I get to swing in and support your aged fat ass and someone else’s annoying ass kids? De-nied.
Top friends? No. I don’t need my gaggle of former classmates and low degree acquaintances messaging me to passive aggressively ask me why asking X or Y was accepted and not them. That is what myspace is for. Spreading butter on toast? that’s what knives are for. Top Friends? serves no purpose. no good can come of this.
Entourage invitation hm? Okay. But only if I get to be Turtle. or, shit, no. I meant Ari. I wanna be Ari. Ari Gold - Gold Standard - You got Gold baby. I deserve to be Ari. I said Jeremy Piven was gonna go places since his supporting role in that Seinfeld episode and knew that when Ellen was canceled, he’d be back. Dammit. Its too late. Now I’m Turtle. Facebook sucks. Just like life. As Turtle.
I tried to find out more about these things on Facebook’s FAQ. Their staff flacks are doing a good job greasing the propaganda mil. Get a load of this spin.
Applications are tools that allow you interact with your friends and networks.
Ya, I think I was allowed to do that already. Asshole.
Examples of applications that Facebook has built are Photos, Notes, and Groups.
Truly unique innovations. With presidents like those, I’m totally pumped for what marvels are in store.
Now, Facebook allows third parties to develop applications that abide by your privacy settings and live within the site.
They live now? Do I have to feed them? or are they just parasites that suckle on the life force of your unique profile you fueled with memories and information about your life as a young adult in exchange for offering a service you didn’t know you needed until they told you to. I think we both know the answer. (in case you didn’t though - I was strongly implying it was the 2nd thing I said).
Adding applications allows you to expand the usefulness of the site.
Liar.
Check out our Application Directory for a list of applications that you can add.
Notice how they say it as a command instead of adding a friendly “if you want” or “if you so choose” or “if you have nothing better to do with your life cuz you staved off growing up by going to college and are trying to further delay it as much as possible by searching for any meaningless way to enhance your ridiculous Facebook profile”.
Facebook… you disgust me.
