Richardland Blog

Or at least I could if I wanted to. Which is really depressing. Way to start feeling OLD AS HELL way too early.

It’s been rainy here in southern California for 2 days in a row, and a social calling required that I leave my headquarters and venture out into the elements. I put on a black polyester jackety thing that apparently I havn’t worn in a long time and headed out. Later that night I reached in its pocket and took out a piece of paper that was in it.

It was the phone number of the Bruce’s. My next door neighbors when I lived in Missouri. Who are now dead.

Both Mr and Mrs Bruce died over a year ago shortly after one another. They were very nice people and I had visited them a few times when I came back to Missouri after I had left. Now they are deceased, and I have their phone number in my pocket.

I have the phone numbers of people who are no longer living. In. My. Pocket….

I must be getting old. =(

This might have been a little mean, but come on… Girls just have to be smarter if they’re gonna presume to talk to me…

Lillerchick3: hey Cassie wasnt drunk this time when i kicked her out
richar900: a milestone
Lillerchick3: ?
richar900: noteworthy event
Lillerchick3: huh
richar900: jesus. — good. great. its a momentous occasion that she wasn’t drunk for once when you gave her the boot. celebration is required. i’ll mark my calendar. local news and world leaders should be alerted. new coins should be minted in its honor. it’s a big deal. out of the ordinary. should be acknowledged.
richar900: thats as many ways as i can think to say it.

She was mad at me for a little after that, but shouldn’t I be the one mad at HER for being so mother effing dense?

Gimmie some back up here peeps.

Its not that everyone is actively trying to get you. It’s that everyone MIGHT be actively trying to get you. You just don’t know. So don’t trust anyone. Ever.

Don’t rely on people. They’ll let you down. Don’t invest emotion in people. It’s just an invitation to get your feelings hurt. Don’t have feelings. They will only get you in trouble or ruin other plans.

Think of everything cool: Pirates, Ninjas, Superheroes (the badass ones like Batman, not the spoiled brats with every power in the world that can afford to get all emotional like Superman). The only “feelings” they have are rage, resolve, determination and kickass.

Sure they “care” about others, but not in gay emotional terms - in much more mathematical ways that stem from duty, ethics and justice as defined by their terms.

So my advice for the day is to throw your human flaws of emotion out the window and keep a healthy sense of suspicion, doubt and disdain for everyone around you everywhere at all times and in all places.

You’ll thank me later.
Now go in peace.

MisterAwesome10 (12:07:53 AM): this bender movie overdid it on the time travel rules and parradoxes. im sitting here taking notes trying to understand it completely
MisterAwesome10 (12:07:57 AM): watch it and explain it to me
MisterAwesome10 (12:08:03 AM): im going to bed. nite slugger
TEKNORAT4U (12:08:36 AM): I understand it in its entirety due to watching every star trek time travel episode several times as well as red dwarf etc..
MisterAwesome10 (12:09:00 AM): did you see it?
TEKNORAT4U (12:09:06 AM): yes
TEKNORAT4U (12:09:12 AM): I have it on dvd
MisterAwesome10 (12:09:31 AM): well crap then. explain it to me tomorrow.
MisterAwesome10 (12:09:49 AM): nite for now

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Session concluded at 12:09:12 AM

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WARNING… the rest of this message contains every SPOILER imaginable. Please skip this post and come back later if you think you will ever watch the Futurama direct to DVD movie Benders Big Score.

(more…)

It doesn’t sound possible, does it? Well apparently it is. Cuz I did it…

I made some spaghetti and served it. Turned the stove back on and put the Winnie the Pooh and friends tea kettle on it. Went to my room just a few yards away from the stove. Ate my spaghetti. It was okay. I didn’t really add enough sauce but I made it work. I go to my tea rack in my room (the space in front of my Disney DVD’s on my bookshelf) and pick out which pod I will partake in when the water is ready and I go over to the computer for a little bit.

An unknown number of minutes pass, and a timer I had set for an ebay auction goes off. It was only set for 10 minutes, but reminds me that even though I haven’t heard the kettle whistle, it should be almost at boiling point and I want some tea.

I walk into the kitchen. and pause…
Between a red burner and a plume of steam, there lays this:

What. the hell?
I go over and turn the stove off and try to move the kettle over to the sink. It won’t budge. The bottom of the mother effing tea kettle is welded stuck to the mother effing stove….

I go back in my room and just look at it. Looking around for my anti-heat sucking ray? my cold gun that I saved from the time I defeated Mr Freeze? I don’t know. I just did one of those blank look-arounds expecting the right tool to fix it would present itself.

When it didn’t, I went back into the kitchen. My aunt enters. Still confused at WTF could went wrong here, I ask her “um. *points* what happened?”, which in retrospect is kinda funny since she was looking at it for the first time and gave me a “how the eff would I know?” type look.

We went through the attempt to remove it again and started hearing cracks. Uh Oh… So we go over to the living room and watch it just in case it friggin explodes.

It didn’t. But the crack sounds kept coming and we still didn’t know what happened. There wasn’t a fire extinguisher handy and we thought putting water on it would crack the stove more due to the sudden heat change so we just waited it out………

A few minutes later, before I lifted the still hot kettle and put it in the sink, I was able to inspect it. The bottom had melted and the steam frigging burnt off the plastic top on the spout, sending the whistler down to melt on the stove top, which also subsequently chipped and cracked (irreparably) from the massive heat.

But WHY?? Is this not freakin ridiculous?
Think about this here… Putting aside my full admission that this would have been avoided if I was monitoring the stove the whole time - isn’t this retardedly unexpected?

Is this due to a faulty product? Its somewhat old, given to my aunt by her daughters over a decade ago, but that shouldn’t matter, right?

Sure I maybe should have been monitoring it, but really? Should I have? It’s a freakin tea kettle. One of few products made with an alarm system precisely so you DON’T have to monitor it.

Is this a fault of the ancient stove top in this house? Could a fuse have broken that directs more than normal heat to it?

SOMETHING is not friggin right.

Oh, and that ebay auction I set the timer for? I lost it. But it’s just as well, cuz now I have to use the money to bid on something else in a different auction…

I had to share this story from a female friend…

LittleLaguna3: i want you to kill the asian who fucked my nails up btw
richar900: i’ll have them taken care of
richar900: what’d they do?
LittleLaguna3: well
LittleLaguna3: he was doing REALLLY good
LittleLaguna3: but then i asked him to try a design i hate the plain white tip
LittleLaguna3: so i usually get pink tips with dots
LittleLaguna3: but i figured id try a line instead of stripes and i didnt like it and he had already said the price was 23 so i gave him 25 cuz i thought he was doinga good job and shit well i didnt like the stripe so i asked him to just dot he polka dots like i usually gets
LittleLaguna3: he got real annoyed sounding and started talkn in that asian shit lol and he was like well its actually 25 and i was like k well i already gave you 25 so i guess your good
LittleLaguna3: and he did a reallllly shitty job on my polka dots lol so i had to go home and fix it myself when i left i was like dont expect my buisness back here i could do this at home with a damn toothpick
LittleLaguna3: i guess the place i go to does so good i have high expectations

Above is Crystals current main pic on Facebook. She is the one on the right making the face. It’s cute, right? I think so. A weird still from an action candid.
I assumed it was her purposely being goofy, but I guess she thinks its sexy or something. Oops.

I left a comment on her “wall” (that’s so gay that they call it a wall) saying I had a nightmare that I was being chased by something that looked like her main picture. I was going to describe that “something” as a flame eyed wispy haired duck that was lunging at me trying to eat my soul, but I went the suttle route instead. Well, either way, Crystal didn’t see the humor. Her response:

(click screen cap to open full size image)

lol. I don’t know what Ford Models is (like the car company? guys don’t do car shows. wtf), but its still funny.

I am still new to Facebook though and don’t use it very often, so I’m still learning the rules. Crystal may be entirely correct, I don’t know. Only a handful of my model friends have Facebook profiles, for obvious reasons (same reason I hardly ever use it either - its harder to shamelessly self promote yourself, though that is starting to change with some of their new features and growth), so I don’t have much to compare to. But I’m wondering - maybe Facebook is the opposite of Myspace in the regard that its not considered YOUR-space, its more of a catalog of you for your friends to use as reference points. This would explain its stalker features that notifies your friend list every time you change your relationship status, write a comment on someone elses page or have a bowel movement that contains undigested particles.

I’ll investigate this theory further in my ongoing quest to understand Facebook. In the mean time I have noted the tentative rule on pictures being: shirtless model poses bad, scary lunging forward redeye kissiefaces good.

UPDATE: I Googled “Ford Models” and, duh, they’re a modeling agency. I think I might know someone who’s worked for them actually now that I think about it. They must have a stronger presence in New York (where Crystal lives) than LA.

Their website also contains hardly any shirtless representation though, so her reference seems to be notsogreat. Oops.

1. Pilot. I forget when he first mentioned this one, but he’s brought it up several times over the years.
2. Flight Dispatcher. This is what my dad does. One day he was talking about all the “young kids” (early 30’s) coming into the office and asked why I don’t become one of them.
3. VHS to DVD Store Operator. One day while I was in Texas he saved a newspaper article he read and wanted to show me. It was about a guy who opened a shop that accepted your old home movies on VHS and converted and burned them to DVD’s. After his synopsis of what the article was about when he was handing it to me to read, he said I should look into doing that and open a store myself. Ya, that sounds fun. Not. He didn’t understand the sarcasm.
4. Construction Worker. My dads first son in Florida frames houses. Since middle school my dad has wanted me to go down there for a summer and “hammer nails” with him. Despite never showing any interest in tools and being terribly bored with geometry and math, my dad has always thought this would be a great career choice for me.
   
5. Contractor. Pretty much the same circumstances as above, just in different contexts
6. CPAP Parts Salesman. A PAP (positive airway pressure) machine is something people like my dad hook onto their face at night that forces them to breathe so they don’t snore, don’t die, and get restful, quality sleep. When my dad had trouble finding a part for his machine, he suggested I sell them. “Why don’t you do that?” he said. “You could make a lot of money selling these things”.
7. Doctor or Lawyer. While trying for more than the 30th time to explain my business model to him and being met with clear disinterest, I stopped the explanation and asked what besides this does he think I would be successful at and enjoy? His response: “I don’t know. Doctor? Lawyer?”. He was 100% serious…
8. Cable News Pundit/Commentary Anchor. While watching one of the pundit shows on Fox (I forget which), my dad asks to me in the kitchen “why don’t you go be one of those guys? You could do that. But you gotta go to college or no one’s gonna care what you think”. I considered mentioning that the nations most listened to talk show on radio (Limbaugh) didn’t go to college and millions a day “care what he thinks”, but decided against it since he wouldn’t understand the point being made.Border Patrol Agent. This weekend (January 10th 08) while in San Diego for my cousins wedding, we’re in the hotel and a recruitment commercial for border patrol agents airs on the tv box, so you could count the seconds before the inevitable “why don’t you do that?” I usually don’t respond to these things, but I did this time and asked “Dad, what makes you possibly think I would want to be a border patrol agent?”
9. Air Marshal. Same day as the border agent incident, an hour or two later while at breakfast with my aunt and uncle. Air marshals came up in conversation as we wondered out loud how many flights have marshals on them and my dad again says “why don’t you be one a them?” My answer was the same as earlier: “okay dad. I’ll look into being an air marshal”….

*****

I ‘ll continue to update this list as it progresses…

If you ever have the choice to choose your opponent in a game of hide and seek, pick 3 year olds. They’re just old enough to understand the concept and just young enough to dominate to cartoonish degree’s.

It’s awesome. You’re like the Dodo in Wackyland and they’re Porky Pig - or, if you didn’t get that reference and I’m losing you here - think more along the lines of Tom and Jerry and you’re Jerry. Or Tom. You’re the mouse. Crap, I’m ruining this post - here: I’m saying you’re the dominant leader in a cartoon chase and they’re the bewildered character going along for the ride getting foiled at every turn.

Every animated trick in the book works. You can turn a corner and stand flat against the wall and they will run right by you. You can disappear into the shadows and then re-emerge like it was a magic trick. You can fake them out one way and then while they’re still looking for you in that direction, already be behind them to deliver a tap on the shoulder and run down the hall like mad.

And since the little retards don’t understand voice physics yet, you can be hiding behind a chair in the living room and answer their “where aaaare youuuu?” call by yelling “in the dining room!” and the gullible little morons will actually run there instead of towards where they heard the voice coming from.

It’s great. They trot after you having no idea that they’re physically outmatched to impossible degree’s because they’re not old enough to have realized how that whole thing works yet. So every time they think they have a legitimate chance at catching you. Maybe THIS will be the time. Aw, almost.

No. Not almost you little soft boiled peanut. I was just taunting you. Mocking your inability to even almost come somewhat kind of close to catching me.

But you can’t. You won’t. You’re in my world now bitches.

Games of physical skill against 3 year olds RULES.