Richardland Blog

I was up till 4AM the night before.

And that’s all I have saved on this story because when I hit publish, after typing paragraphs of this story, only to be told I was no longer logged into the software. And of course when I hit the back button, my blog was gone.

I was jogging down my street earlier today and saw this sign about a “missing” trailer and found it quite interesting for several reasons…

Not the least of which: the headline says MISSING and gives a “last seen” date, but then goes on to say it was stolen, where at, and that the thieves are on camera. These seem not to line up. The flier writer also used the internet slang shorthand version of the contraction “you are” (you’re) by using the possessive “your” (as in “your bicycle”). The AMER in cAMERa is also emphasized and the phrase “your on cAMERa” is unnecessarily in quotations…

Something about this didn’t jive… So I went all John Nash on it (before he knew he was nuts) and realized I was looking at a coded message.

I think I cracked the code… If you look at the right side of the paper (viewers left), it reads:

Motor
Trail
Miss
Last Seen
Taken From
Center
CAMERa

Please Return

In other words: “Motortrail Miss last seen taken from center AMERA. Please Return.”
What does that mean?

Clearly, that: “A woman with an affiliation to the automobile industry (motortrail Miss) was last seen in the center of America (Kansas?) where she was abducted. Please release her back home.“

My theory is that a husband or family member witnessed the abduction and knows who the kidnappers are. He drove to California to the exact area his tipster told him his wife/loved one was taken and he made these fliers and put them everywhere around the neighborhood as an ominous sign to the kidnappers that 1) he knows where you are so they better lay low or they might get jumped and possibly killed, and 2) he’s not making it publicly known what they did yet, so there’s still a way out if you just give the girl back now. NOW DAMMIT!

But wait. There’s more…

The right side of the flier reads

Your
on
young
boys
trailer

- which can only mean - “I know you have homosexual relations with underage boys”.

I live in a high priced real estate market. and Puesta Del Sol, the entrance to which this particular sign was affixed, is a gated community of even nicer and pricier homes. I’m guessing the kidnapper here is a well to do type involved in some form of organized crime. Perhaps he lent this midwestern person some money and when he failed to pay back with enough interest, he started threatening the guys family. Finally he had to make due on his threats and took the guys friggin wife. But midwestern borrower guy has an ace up his sleeve… he came across evidence that well-to-do California guy is actually a homo pedophile and if he doesn’t want the whole world to know about it and have everything he’s worked his whole life for destroyed just cuz he messed with the wrong dude - he better give that dude his mother fkking wife back. NOW.

There’s drama going on everywhere. You just have to be smart enough to uncover it.
Good luck midwestern moneyborrowguy! We’re all rootin for ya…..

I was casually messing around with this strange entanglement for 4 minutes in Costco today before finally giving up and dedicating the time to focusing on it and solving the puzzle.

The green is my stretchie keychain cord. The white is the earplug lines to my iphone.

Just days after Easter.

It was an accident.. and i was on the phone when it happened so i took a picture. poor little thing was just a baby…

Yes, I realize how shiny and girly manicured my nail looks, but I can’t help that. The Bushnells have naturally thick nails and my moms side has naturally shiny ones. My hands are doomed to always look gay. Just deal with it and move on. We’re talking about the death of a little baby bunny here.

I crushed him under a plastic office floor matt that i was using to tramp down the overgrown weed grass in the acreage behind my house… i lifted it up and there was a bloody mouthed adoooorable little bunny twitching. and bleeding.

and then… the twitching stopped…

I put his dead body in a gopher hole. Eff you gophers. yer in for a surprise!

UPDATE: I checked the next day and the body was gone from the hole and not nearby. So. Someone ate it.

All I wanted to do was add my iphone to a family plan… Yesterday they told me on the phone that I needed to go into the store and fill out a contract to re-activate my iphone after I got a new SIM card which allowed it to receive my California number. So I go to the store…

They were stumped on how to fix my problem, so I had to call Customer Service. from the store…

If this looks ridiculous, it should…

I was there for 2 hours. On the phone. Trying to do a simple task. Being transferred from department to department. Billing to tech support to regional offices to porting department to supervisors to whoknowswhere and so on.

I left without a resolution. Domingo, the rep “helping” me had long since become frustrated with my situation and given up and by that time was just trying to get me the hell out of the store.

When I got home I had learned enough about how AT&T works that I had figured out what needed to be done. So I called tech support and told them what to do, pretending someone else from the store gave the direction and I didn’t just make it up and the guy on the phone had it done in under 15 minutes…

When you look at someone and they’re mad and say “wut are YOU lookin at?”, maybe it’s cuz they don’t know who they are and they’re lashing out at you in a cry for help to really find themselves….

Or maybe they’re just a jerk.

I’ve been under a moderate amount of stress lately and not sleeping all that great and I looked in the mirror and cracked up enough to have to go grab the camera and share this with you…

So there I am ladies. You wanna piece a that? You know you do…
Part of it is the lighting cuz its kindov saturated in that room, but the lighting doesn’t account for the rest of the all around crackaddict look… The pale skin. The circles under the eyes. the ratty hair.
Its coo yo. I can fess up to unflattering looks. They happen.

Now u wanna get high er wut?
*scratches neck with a jittery shake*

UPDATE: Hey, I suck at photoshop. someone wanna turn this into a mug shot or similarly humorous pic?

UPDATE again: I turned up the contrast on it and here’s the result:

(more…)

Today. the 18th. was my birthday.

It was a day. of rain. and thunder. and flash flood warnings.

45 minutes at the at&t store. with still no accomplishment made.
Other errands hitched by wrong turns and bad planning.

Red Lobster for dinner? oh. Red Lobster changed their name to “this space available for rent”.
but it’s okay. Papa Johns is good on any occasion.

is this a complaint? never.
anyone who makes an emotionally involved deal about their birthday over the age of 12 is [fill in blank with synonym for immature and/or Narsicist].

I have Brenda (my iPhone). and we’re in love. and that’s all that matters.
I love you baby… *kiss*…

my GOD. It took them frigging long enough.

I foolishly watched the Season 1 finale of the O.C. 2 days ago and of course had to watch the pay off to the cliffhanger. Watched the first episode of Season 2 and it flippin KILLED me. um. hello? Seth and Summer not back together? okay. episode 2. still no. ep 3. nothing. ep 4. no. ep 5. still no. ep 6? ah-no. ep 7. notsomuch. ep 8 STILL friggin no. ep 9. you’ve gotta be kidding me???

they just HAVE to be together. They HAVE tooooo,
So I keep watching… all day. and go to bed late. pausing only to get the minimal amount of daily work done and to eat a little. bathing will have to wait. no time.
okay, I finally bathed. but I couldn’t use the jets in the bath so I could hear the O.C. on my weak laptop speakers.

Only now. on Tuesday at 9:14PM. Episode 14 of Season 2, did they FINALLY re-connect in a beautiful kiss scene at the end of the episode that you totally need to watch (and read the description of the scenario surrounding it so you know whats going on what the deal is with the Spiderman thing):

Seth & Summer Spider-Man Kiss (CLICK TO WATCH)

I never plan to stay in Texas long when I come here to visit, but I always do. And duh. Why the hell would I want to leave until I had to? California sucks. When I’m here I can get hella work done without distractions from idiots calling me trying to get me to go some lame club I’ve never heard of but they act like I should know about because they go there and they like it so they assume it’s some world famous hang out that you’d have to be retarded to not know every detail about and jump at the chance to attend its awesomeness and oh by the way I’m banging one of the bouncers so that’s even cooler and plus I can get us into one of the back rooms - blah blah blah - who cares.

At my parents house in Texas I have a giant ass bath tub, a slightly bigger bed, and less than a quarter of my wardrobe (which makes getting dressed a hellova lot easier cuz I only have like 5 choices in each category of shirts, sweaters, pants n shorts).

Plus. Duh. There’s my mom.
Last night for dinner I had left over steak. Filet Minion my dad  grilled  2 nights ago. Ew. At home I have to grill my own Costco steaks on my George Foreman. Eff that. Except Minion are tiny. And even with the green beans, potato and salad with a giant glass mug of cranberry/orange juice mix it wasn’t very filling.

So at around 10:00pm I voiced my hunger to my mom and ordered up some angel hair pasta and a grilled cheese. And she made it.

I took a bath and went to bed all… not hungry. Kinda weird. Cuz when I have to cook for myself I do the least possible and it seems like I’m always starving. Not here!

Then I had a dream my mom died. Something I’ve been halfway paranoid about for the last decade or so.  Cuz wouldn’t that just be so classic. The whole “oh, you think you know how stuff is gonna be? well Wham!” plot twist of life. And of course it would be my mom cuz then I’d be stuck with my dad who hates me which would make for awkward holidays and just yeeech. I woke up around 4 or 5AM thinking about it and was all pissed cuz I still thought it was real. The whole sadness thing, regret for not appreciating the time I had more, or hugging her more or blah blah blah - missing and thinking of the crappy future and all that. Then after an hour or two of in and out sleep limbo where I think the mom-is-dead dream continued into part 2, I slowly woke up again the same way and could hear ever so faintly the muffled sound of Fox & Friends from the living room and I was like, “dude. that was a dream. mom is in the other room watching tv already”. I briefly thought about springing out of bed and going to give her a hug and stuff. But I was tired. So I slipped back into sleep limbo for another hour. Then I got hungry.

So I got up and told my mom I wanted spaghetti and meat balls for breakfast.
And she made it.

I’m never going home….