Warning, Richard Bushnell may cause heartburn, nausea, panic attacks, a dilated rectum and/or vaginal bleeding, drowsiness, muscle fatigue, an erection that lasts more than 24 hours, night terrors or death. Ask your doctor if Richard Bushnell is right for you.

Now im gonna snort some sandman dust and go on a unicorn dream trip for 8 hours.

I went to bed feeling really buzzed and woke up late feeling groggy. had 0% alcohol or other substance the night before.. dude.. i think i for real had something slipped in my drink. makes me wonder what kind of meat hook id be on right now if i didnt go home early.

rats. now ill NEVER know. *kicks dirt*

My mom and I took him to the vet against my dads wishes cuz he didn’t want to get stuck with a $150 bill for a dog that’s just on his way to die. I agreed, but cast the deciding vote to go anyway since maybe we’d learn something that would at least ease his pain or make him more useful since he’s no good to me just laying there and occasionally eating. That’s what girlfriends are for.

Vet said he has phenomena and filled a small bottle with pills from a giant ass bottle that looked like it came from Costco. Good thing for my dads sake that it didn’t cost the $150 he complained about and we skated by with a total bill of only $260. awesome.

While waiting for a blood test to see if he had AIDS or whatever, I was looking around the room and took a few minutes to figure out wtf this sign next to the synchronized swimming bulldogs meant.

FOR YOUR SAFETY Please do not ask to restrain your animal? Why the hell would people be coming into a vet and asking to hold their wild ass attack dogs down and the vet being all “oh no no, we don’t want your own animal to bite you, so please let us be the ones to force it into submission thnx”.

Whatever. Buddy’s not breathing so hard anymore already and its easier for him to get up n stuff. Still an obese blog of gross, but when I’m not here visiting, my mom needs something to feed and nurture, so that’s not gonna change any time ever. He’ll die overweight and old. but not this week.

My tooth was throbbing out of my skull with a dull beaming discomfort after the dentist today so I stopped at a gas station to get some IB profin and some how ended up paying $5.50 for a crappy convenience “we have you by the balls cuz you’re buying medacine at a gas station” priced 4 pill pack of Motrin, a Snickers that cost more than a burger and fries at McDonalds and a strawberry Quick by Nestlie, which they want you to call “Nesquick” (never, never, never).

I took the prof, and it was awesome. Like magic, the pain went away. whoah.

I’ve only taken maybe 4 drugs of that kind in my life, including aspirin and Tylenol and had never noticed a difference. These amazing little med-candies though just hit the off-switch in the pain control center right away, which I assume is how those things work. It doesn’t make sense to me. Like, how the eff does this pill know whats hurting and to go shut if off? It can’t. so wtf is going on? It’s just numbing my pain receivers everywhere? So I could find out what a lethal dose of the stuff is and take just under that amount and go around beating myself with a frying pan n stuff?

I also don’t take over-the-counter drugs ever because I don’t want them living in me, which, since I never feel their effects, I assume is what they do. Like the David Hyde Pierce voiced pill in Osmosis Jones that just starts a new frigging life all up in Bill Murray and never fkking dissolves. Wtf? That’s messed up.

We exchanged money for pill (he clearly could have afforded the original $200 price, the cheap bastard) and I cautioned him not to just slip it in a girls drink unless she’s going to be holding it for awhile cuz it will take a long time to dissolve. I suggested instead to tell her that it’s a Xanax or something to get her to ingest it willfully, expecting a high. He was extremely pleased with the transaction and immediately zipped off to chat up some of the sluts at the party and fix in on a target.

The pill I sold him was 500mg of Calcium plus Vitamin D to increase absorption rate. Since women are more likely to be calcium deficient than men, I felt extremely good about being paid $50 to improve the days health of one of Hollywoods finest ladies of the evening.