Richardland Blog

Amiracle11: hey!!
Amiracle11: what u doing?
aesomestguyever some work on my website
Amiracle11: oh okay cool. how far are you from me i forget
aesomestguyever from weho? like 40min
Amiracle11: well i have the place to myself tonight and tomorrow, have a beautiful roof top and a fridge full of beer if you are intersted
Amiracle11: since youre the awesomestguyever and all
aesomestguyever roomies out of town?
Amiracle11: yup
Amiracle11: i live in a loft. it is so nice out at night.. and theres a roof.. and i have so much beer lol be nice to go up there and have a few and hang out in sleeping bags lol
Amiracle11: its on santa monica
Amiracle11: west hollywood
Amiracle11: you have a beautiful face just to let u know but im sure u do
aesomestguyever ya thanks for noticing. its pretty rockin.
Amiracle11: no problem. so what do u think?
aesomestguyever im kinda busy
Amiracle11: alright well it will def be fun.
Amiracle11: do u like beer?
aesomestguyever im afraid not. cant help you with the surplus
Amiracle11: lol thats okay doesnt matter i just have so much of it. do you like card games?
aesomestguyever notsomuch
Amiracle11: okayyy well what about cuddling in a sleeping bag on the roof at night?
Amiracle11: youre a tough cookie
aesomestguyever your moms a tough cookie
Amiracle11: i have wii bowling? how do i amuse u!
Amiracle11: movies?
Amiracle11: massage…?
Amiracle11: lol
aesomestguyever i like my massages the way i like my movies
aesomestguyever with a happy ending
Amiracle11: funnyyyyyyy
Amiracle11: well how bout this, a massage, and a movie with an actual happy ending
Amiracle11: we can get like, cinderella
aesomestguyever sounds…wonderful
Amiracle11: are you being… sarcastic
aesomestguyever no. THAT gay and lame…
Amiracle11: lol its okay i was just joking. obviously.. im craving scary movies
Amiracle11: cuz if i like you its an excuse to cuddle you but you didnt hear that from me… lol
aesomestguyever uh. ya i did. you just said it. just now. i heard it [visually]. from you…

I was using a number that used to be mine but currently isn’t while talking to a friend so I clicked over a beep only to hear a voice ask the always retarded question “do you know who this is?”. So of course they were hung up on. Since I had nothing to lose I called the number back when I was done with my call and asked what they wanted. When they played the “do you know who this is? who is THIS? is this Richard?” game they got dumped again, but called back. Enraged.

This psycho started screaming, much to my amusement, that “you fukkin lied Richard! you fukkin LIED TA ME!” for a good 30 seconds. It was. AWESOME. I had to hang up on her before too long just to let them know that such inappropriate outbursts can’t be rewarded, but it was fun while it lasted.

The list of who it could be is blank since I haven’t lied to anyone since middle school, so who knows. This freak sure thinks I did though. Wonder how the rest of her night went…

UPDATE: I looked up the number and its an actual crazy person. Not a moody snotty girl from LA like i’d assumed - an actually clinically unstable girl from the midwest who suffers from mood swings (aka being a bitch for no reason) and frequent depression over the fact that she is frequently used as a human condom by skeezy guys who like fat chicks (yes, she’s actually morbidly obeise) and then throw her away. Sad actually. Don’t know what she thinks she was lied to about, but like her, it doesn’t matter.

Girl: uhg! this Coke is bad.
Me: Whats bad about it?
Girl: It’s Mountain Dew. the Orange kind.
Me: uuhhhh….

(Actual reaction captured with a click of the cam)

Apparently she calls all soft drinks “Coke”…

This might have been a little mean, but come on… Girls just have to be smarter if they’re gonna presume to talk to me…

Lillerchick3: hey Cassie wasnt drunk this time when i kicked her out
richar900: a milestone
Lillerchick3: ?
richar900: noteworthy event
Lillerchick3: huh
richar900: jesus. — good. great. its a momentous occasion that she wasn’t drunk for once when you gave her the boot. celebration is required. i’ll mark my calendar. local news and world leaders should be alerted. new coins should be minted in its honor. it’s a big deal. out of the ordinary. should be acknowledged.
richar900: thats as many ways as i can think to say it.

She was mad at me for a little after that, but shouldn’t I be the one mad at HER for being so mother effing dense?

Gimmie some back up here peeps.

Above is Crystals current main pic on Facebook. She is the one on the right making the face. It’s cute, right? I think so. A weird still from an action candid.
I assumed it was her purposely being goofy, but I guess she thinks its sexy or something. Oops.

I left a comment on her “wall” (that’s so gay that they call it a wall) saying I had a nightmare that I was being chased by something that looked like her main picture. I was going to describe that “something” as a flame eyed wispy haired duck that was lunging at me trying to eat my soul, but I went the suttle route instead. Well, either way, Crystal didn’t see the humor. Her response:

(click screen cap to open full size image)

lol. I don’t know what Ford Models is (like the car company? guys don’t do car shows. wtf), but its still funny.

I am still new to Facebook though and don’t use it very often, so I’m still learning the rules. Crystal may be entirely correct, I don’t know. Only a handful of my model friends have Facebook profiles, for obvious reasons (same reason I hardly ever use it either - its harder to shamelessly self promote yourself, though that is starting to change with some of their new features and growth), so I don’t have much to compare to. But I’m wondering - maybe Facebook is the opposite of Myspace in the regard that its not considered YOUR-space, its more of a catalog of you for your friends to use as reference points. This would explain its stalker features that notifies your friend list every time you change your relationship status, write a comment on someone elses page or have a bowel movement that contains undigested particles.

I’ll investigate this theory further in my ongoing quest to understand Facebook. In the mean time I have noted the tentative rule on pictures being: shirtless model poses bad, scary lunging forward redeye kissiefaces good.

UPDATE: I Googled “Ford Models” and, duh, they’re a modeling agency. I think I might know someone who’s worked for them actually now that I think about it. They must have a stronger presence in New York (where Crystal lives) than LA.

Their website also contains hardly any shirtless representation though, so her reference seems to be notsogreat. Oops.

Back in July I made a last minute short trip to Missouri for a float trip and sent a quick notice out on Facebook about it 4 days before I left. This girl I haven’t seen in awhile lives near where I was staying and practically begged me to hang out with her while I was there (“i live in Ofallon!! Please call me!!!” - “if i don’t see you, i will be angry!!” - etc). I had a packed schedule so I saved her a space ahead of time to make plans.

When the time came, she didn’t pick up her phone and didn’t again the next day and then ignored my wtf Facebook message.

Last night, 4 months later, she messages me on AIM…
(names have been changed or removed to protect true identity)

SoccerGirl: hi richard
SoccerGirl: hi. who’s this
SoccerGirl: you don’t remember?
SoccerGirl: im soo disappointed!
richar900: ya, boo hoo
richar900: i get 800 IMs every 30 seconds and i didnt memorize YOURS. super tradgedy, i know
SoccerGirl: haha its [name redacted]
SoccerGirl: lol so popular
richar900: [name redacted] who?
SoccerGirl: wolf
richar900: oh. in missouri
SoccerGirl: yeah
richar900: the one who totally stood me up over the summer
SoccerGirl: yeah
richar900: great. so. what do you want?
SoccerGirl: richard! im soo sorry..
richar900: ya, i bet. not.
SoccerGirl: i don’t think that you understand..
richar900: chyea. you’re probably right. would i care to understand? at this point, doubtful
SoccerGirl: ok i understand.. tear drop
richar900: i know. sad. you stand me up and YOU’RE the victim. life is so unfair for you.
SoccerGirl: no not at all
richar900: k
SoccerGirl: well the reason that i didnt see you is bc i iddn’t want YOU to see me
richar900: good move waiting 4 months to say so
SoccerGirl: i kow im really sorry.. i didn’t want you to see me bc im pregos
SoccerGirl: … awkward silence
richar900: ya, i forgot how getting knocked up makes you ignore people. my bad
SoccerGirl: well i was embarrassed
richar900: looks like you were embarrassed over the wrong thing then. having some dudes bastard child isn’t so much socially frowned upon anymore, but im pretty sure being a rude snot is still high up on the social-don’t list
SoccerGirl: i know.. i agree
SoccerGirl: sorry rick
SoccerGirl: haha
richar900: i guess you were just overwhelmed by hormones. sorry to hear that you got stuck with one of those popcorn babies that is microscopic one week that you make plans with someone and then pops your stomach out to an embarrassing degree days later
SoccerGirl: haha i know.. how gay of me
richar900: brb. phone.
SoccerGirl: ok
richar900: ok
SoccerGirl: yeah lol
SoccerGirl: sorry.. there was no reason to stand you up
SoccerGirl: thats all
richar900: who put a baby in you with their penis then?
SoccerGirl: sorry i was working on homework
richar900: i already know that. the question is the ‘why’
richar900: if there was no reason then you did it be-cauuz __________
richar900: fill in the blank
SoccerGirl: im a bia
SoccerGirl: lol
richar900: is that some kind of eastern hippie religion?
SoccerGirl: im a bitch
SoccerGirl: thats why
richar900: then why are you saying sorry? those two things conflict with each other
richar900: either you’re a bitch so i deserved the cold shoulder. or there was a reason and now you’re sorry. pick one.
SoccerGirl: no theres a difference of i am a bitch and i was being a bitch.. i was being a bitch and im sorry
richar900: then im STILL waiting to hear why you were being a bitch then
SoccerGirl: there was no reason.. i wz just being a bitch
richar900: so how do you plan to make this up to me then?
SoccerGirl: how do i make it up to you
richar900: thats what i asked. no stealing my question. bitch.
SoccerGirl: no i really am
SoccerGirl: lol
SoccerGirl: im having a boy
richar900: when
richar900: and with who. since when do you know what sex is?
SoccerGirl: early feb
SoccerGirl: yeah a boy named [name redacted]
SoccerGirl: well lets see.. hes from brazil.. hes jewish.. he goes to lindenwood and his major is video production
richar900: how long were you with him before the insemination?
SoccerGirl: well about 2 months…
SoccerGirl: shit!
richar900: awesome.
richar900: are you gonna like get married now or what
SoccerGirl: fuck no.. lol..
SoccerGirl: i am just going to see how everything works out and then well see
richar900: meaning what exactly?
SoccerGirl: i mean everything changes after the baby comes
richar900: ya. but you two have been close still during this time?
SoccerGirl: yeah so so.. we have our ups and downs.. its really hard for me to trust him when we are long distance, but im working on it
richar900: long distance? where the hell is he?
richar900: those relationships never work
SoccerGirl: well its just long distance until i come back home in december
SoccerGirl: hes at lindenwood and im in KC
richar900: whats in KC?
SoccerGirl: kansas city mo
richar900: but whats in it. school i guess? probably not family
SoccerGirl: school
SoccerGirl: all of his fam is in brazil
SoccerGirl: AWESOME
richar900: why awesome
SoccerGirl: his fam is like a traditional jewish family and is pissed that im catholic and is not supporting this situation at all
richar900: are you raising the kid to be catholic?
SoccerGirl: yeah..
richar900: does the dad have a facebook or myspace?
SoccerGirl: yeah facebook under [redacted] mermelstein lol
richar900: mermelstein. awesome.
SoccerGirl: yeah.. he said he wants the kid to have his last name.. i said absolutely out of the ? do i have STUPID tatooed on my forehead
richar900: idk. i’d tell you, but I havnt seen you in awhile since you stood me up, remember?
richar900: exit question: do you notice any of the irony in a catholic girl banging a jew she’s known for 2 months causing a pregnancy that she’s so ashamed of that she has to lie to her friends, but thinks naming the kid the last name of the father is insultingly stupid?
SoccerGirl: hahaha o richard

Another thing that might have contributed to the shame that I didn’t remember till later was that I warned her against getting fat all the time, so seeing her with preg pudge would invite ridicule in that realm in addition to the “haha, you threw your youth away to raise a baby now” stuff.

To illustrate a little further, I grabbed some pre-preg pics of her. Since the whole thing was a secret, I haven’t seen anything with a baby in it, but this is what it USED to look like - so you can just apply the bump in your imagination and laugh accordingly.