UPDATE: My bad.. this makes sense now. I was just asked “are you using the right browser? As in, are you using 32 bit when it should be 64 bit?”. The answer is no.. I’m on Macs 64 bit OS Snow Leopard and using FIrefox which is a 32 bit only browser i’m just finding out… oy…

UPDATE: oooOOoo. i switched to a Safari (Apples 64 browser) and everything is smooth as silk! i cant make it chop if i try.

take THAT Wheeler… (he “liked” this when it was a status on Facebook cuz he’s jelly uh my Batman technology and wishes me ill over it)

Somewhere along the line I started adding baking soda to the bath brew. Why? Because I saw someone somewhere say to, obviously. And again I have no idea what the alleged benefit is even supposed to be. So I called up my friend the Internet and he directed me to the HowStuffWorks website, which is great. It tells you how anything works: a jet engine, a faucet, this “sex with a woman” thing i’m always hearing so much about – anything. So I look up baking soda bath and this is actually what it says:

Skin
The elements can do a lot of damage to skin. Baking soda can be a friend to your skin.

…thanks. I was wondering how this thing worked, and now i know that the elements can do damage to my skin… and that baking soda can be a friend. to my skin… thank you. That clears up. so much.

Arm&Hammers website says it neutralizes acids on the skin.

I need a break. I still think you’re a great browser and have a cool logo and name and everything, but enough is too much.

All you do is freeze now. I can’t even enter text in a form without a lockup anymore. Wtf man? Literally, typing is too difficult a task for you now? I’m sorry, but no. You need to pack your things and be gone. I want you uninstalled by this afternoon. Look, maybe now just isn’t our time.

Maybe you’re just going through some things right now and I can understand that, its fine. I just can’t be a part of it while you’re like this. You need to figure some things out and who knows. Maybe our paths will cross again in the future.

To summarize and express how I’m feeling, I wrote you this Haiku:

You used to be cool, but now not so.
You do nothing but freeze. I want you to go.
I wish you the best of luck.
but you suck.
At a Chinese restaurant one time,
I tried the duck.

I know that’s not really a Haiku, but then again I’m just an amateur. not a professional haiku writer. you however, ARE a professional internet browser. so why the f#ck do I have such a hard time browsing the god damn internet with you lately?
Ya, that’s right. see what I did there?
Whatever man.

-Dick out.

If you don’t get the “watch the longer thing first” option, then you get a 10 second ad announcement before your video starts instead. Mine was that “Hulu is a proud sponsor of [some charity or non-profit thats not worth mentioning]. Wait, what? What the hell is that? You can’t donated money somewhere in replacement of advertising. Who does that?

At the beginning of the next episode they tried to tell me that the show I was watching was brought to me “with limited commercial interruption, by M&M’s Premium. This was a suspicious wording because Hulu shows you where the commercials are (signified by little dots in your progress bar) in each video and there were the same amount as any other video of that length. So M&M’s didn’t do sh#t to limit the commercials for this show. they just wanted me to know that Hulu normally has a small amount of interruptions, but THIS set is brought to you by a new sub-brand of chocolate. blowhardy move. lacking in tact.

But now I want to know what the hell M&M Premiums are. What the crap could M&M’s be doing to chocolate in a shell that they haven’t already? Plain, nut, crisp, END. there are no further options. Mess with the formula any more and its not an M&M. My curiosity was so great that I was just waiting through the show until I could get to the commercial and learn more about this mystery bullsh#t product. So now the show has become the commercial… Finally it breaks and I get to see it, except I didn’t pay attention until the end and all I saw was melting M&M’s on a studio lot. Still unclear about what exactly that says about their product, I went to rewind before remembering that you can’t cuz the commercials conveniently disappear after you view them. seriously. its convenient. don’t let sarcasm steal that word from us.

Back to the “we donated to this charity” form of advertising though: wtf? You can’t do that. Commercial advertising exists to pay the bills for production cost and then profit from entertainment media. You can’t interrupt our enjoyment to tell us that you give money to some cause we may or may not give a f#ck about. Screw you guys.

Hulu tryin t—nevermind. That’s a funnier line if it becomes the title of the blog and stays that way, never to be repeated again.