Richardland Blog » Matt and Kylie

Museum Musement

richard — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 20:16:37 +0000

Went to the museum with Matt & Kylie because they had a special “dig for fossils” exhibit for kids. Turns out that digging for fossils is a lot like finding plastic toys in a sandbox! fascinating.

adults thought it was lame and boring, which the kids picked up on and didnt want to try anything. Blase Betty with the designer handbag in the background was in my party that went and summed up the mood in this background cameo. once the kids saw how motherfkkn AWESOME this shit was, they couldn’t get enough and dug in (chyea, i totally just said “dug” in. oh snap).

plus at the next table we got to put on safety goggles and clean REAL fucking fossils. and then fucking KEEP THEM. jealous much?

I didnt exactly get to keep *mine* since Mathew forgot his at the table and started panicking in the car on the way home so I had to pull mine out and lie n say it was his and I saved it. fucking kids… next time I’m going alone…

Tiny Toons and tiny minds…

richard — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 02:19:30 +0000

god damn kids are difficult sometimes. Cousins 5 yr old twins Matthew and Kylie are visiting for a whole month. trying to explain Tiny Toons to them and they’re not grasping the concept that Elmyra is a reimagining of Elmer Fudd. oh, so you can get that Babs is a version of Bugs, but this is too much of a stretch for you? ya, STFU bitches. god, idk how you people with kids do it.

by “it”, i mean explaining early 90′s cartoons to skeptical minds. not the other bullcrap in child rearing. i already know that shits a breeze.

UPDATE: I posted this on Facebook and had someone who thinks they’re smart try to call me a “chump” over the claim that Babs Bunny is modeled after Lola and only Buster is the mini Bugs…

Ahem…. Lola wasn’t invented till 6 years after Tiny Toons.
Buster and Babs (B&B) are split personalities of the big B – Buster having the calm and smarmy self assuredness and schemery, Babs having his penchant for costumes, over-reactions and bipolar emotions. gawd. kids these days…

now I’m pissed cuz I don’t remember what that’s called. i keep wanting to say archaic… UG. wtf is a mistake in a movie or something called that contains something that didnt exist in that time period? like a Timex in a Western or a plane flying by in a Dinosaur flick? it has a name. and its driving me crazy.

UPDATE: web mistress of MissAshleyPants.com came to my rescue. the word for an example of false chronology is anachronism.

Matthew was so confident that I’ve never seen Tale Spin before that he was stupid enough to bet me his Popsicle (vs 2 if he was right) that i hadnt. watching the joy in his face fade into horror and sadness as I sang along every word of the opening theme – including the “spin it if you win it” bullshit (seen in the video below when Chris Wheeler was stupid enough to challenge me & Dwayne on this) was one of the best moments of the year.

Explaining Super Hero’s to 4 year olds

richard — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 00:13:25 +0000

Twin 4yr old cousins-kids Matt & Kylie are watching Batman and Superman episodes from the 90′s animated series of each respective character, but Matt likes Batman better and Kylie likes Superman better. Prepared for this, I had made a folder of crossover episodes to break any stalemate on which to watch. So they’re watching a Superman crossover 3-parter from 1998 titled Worlds Finest, where the Joker is hired by Lex Luthor to kill Superman, causing Batman to enter the scene and defeat the two in a team-up.

Understandably, the kids started asking who Bruce Wayne and this Kent nerd from Smallville were and I explained that they were Batman and Superman. The “wtf” expressions on their faces contained hints of annoyance that I would insult their intelligence by expecting them to believe such poppycock.

I told them how they need costumes so no one knows who they are when they fight the bad guys so they have real names and dedicated at least 6 minutes, complete with charts and diagrams explaining the concept of secret identities and why they’re necessary.

They reacted as if they understood… However…

Later on, Batman shoots a grappling gun upward and is nonchalantly wisked away into the air when it connects with the Batplane (on remote auto-pilot obviously) passing by overhead. Lois realises she was with Bruce Wayne when she was attacked and fears, out loud, for his safety, asking Superman if he is ok…

Kylie dawns a look of disgust as if to say “what a dumb bitch” in response to Lois’s question.

Kylie: but she just sawr him flied away…

Me: ya.. but she doesn’t know that that’s Bruce… she only knows him as Batman.

They still didn’t get it. and still looked mad that Lois and I were so stupid that we’re asking questions about a persons health and well being when we just fugging saw them zip away in th eir super hero plane. DUH.

Kids + Democracy in California

richard — Tue, 19 May 2009 23:59:09 +0000

oh ya. we have a special election today…
HEY CALIFORNIA: Vote NO on everything except prop F [limits gov pay raises during times of deficits].
and also, I’m back in California now. so are Matt & Kylie
and also too, this just happened:

Me: [jingling car keys on my way out to go vote]
Mathew: Richuuuurd?…ar yu run. n. errands?
Me: no, I’m gonna go vote
Mathew: gonna go bote?
Me: ya
Mathew: how’c..why are… um..
Me: i’ll be back in a few minutes
Mathew: ohkk, but richuuurd. jup be carepul on ur bote n dont pall in the wader cuz theres sharks!
Me: no, not “boat” silly, i’m gonna go VOTE
Mathew: “vote”? whats..i thought u sed—
Me: ya, I know, I figured it out already
Mathew: wll…[thinks]… whats vote?
Me: It’s when you tell what you want and the most people who want it get it
Mathew: wat do u want?
Me: less government waste and a reigning in of entitlement programs…
Mathew: [thinks]…wuh…um………… i want Jack
[Skellington. referring to the Nightmare Before Christmas doll his sister was hogging from my room when he felt like it was his turn by now]