Richardland Blog

I answered a stranger named “big al” on myspace whether I actually hit the girl in the Is Violence Against Women Funny? video and recieved this curious response (you have to read bottom to top):

I responded asking why I would want to show my ass in Tennessee (or any other state for that matter). I clicked over to see who exactly this person afraid of seeing my ass was and saw just how cool he actually is…

Clearly this young man is a force to be reckoned with. Not only does he look good at his cousins wedding (lol), play in the rain (lol) and have a friend who is “the shit” (that too is funniez! ha ha!), but he finally got insurance (yay! if i don’t show you my ass can i havs a ride????) and he is a Pimp - as evidenced by the Microsoft Paint addition to that awesome picture of him doing his impression of Uncle Sam in a really bright bowling alley, dated 2 years ago. We know he is the one who is the pimp and not the other people in the picture because there is an arrow clearly pointing to him, and what can i say the letters don’t lie. Indeed they are honest (though some punctuation would have made it less confusing) but that doesn’t mean they have to make any damn sense, as shown by the caption under that sexahh azz boday saying “i guess better i can bench my body weight finally”.

He’s also an accomplished athlete. This is his current main picture if you couldn’t make it out from the conversation screenshot:

Well, one thing is for sure: This is one boy class 5 that will always have a first place in my heart.

I leave you only with this picture of big al. I think the caption says it all…

Myspace has, for a couple months now had this awesome unique feature (it’s different from Facebook’s because this one is in a yellow box) where you can write a message to someone that will appear along with your friend request when you friend them. I’ve never had the chance to use this great new feature though cuz I never request people on myspace.

BUT… today. I was on one of my friends profile cruzin for lay-dehs, cuz I’m creepy like that, and I saw this one chick and was like “hm, she looks like maybe she’s cute” - so when I realized that she’s the same chick I disturbingly singled out in another photo on this same friends profile months ago - I figured a rare requesting was in order.

Then the yellow box dilemma. Gotta make a good first impression so I come off as sexually desirable, but not aggressive. Appealing, but casual. Show interest, but still be mysterious enough so she has something to pursue. I thought an intimate fact about myself would do the trick, so I started hammering one out. If you go beyond the height of the box, it cuts off the top so you can’t see it, so I took that as a warning to keep it simple.

Needless to say, the coolness displayed is overwhelming. Hopefully not TOO overwhelming for her, since she’s Russian like the friend I know of her from — so really, maybe she only knows limited english and I’ll seem that much more charming. Probably. We’ll see.

Now. we just play tha waiting gammmmme….. yessir….. *nods*……..

Just to cover my bases against possible future controversy (but mostly just cuz it’s funny), I took a screencap of this myspace reply I just sent to this girl saying that she “looks delicious” in her main pic among a few other things: Her main pic at the time was a cake.

Right after I sent it, I had a vision of it falling into enemy hands after she had changed her main picture back to one of herself, so I had to clarify in public that I’m not a myspace sextalker - I’m just hilarious.

The part about going to bed at a decent hour is valid too… I’ve become much more sensative to this fact in my old age. Can’t stay up all night with no negative effects of it the next day like I used to back in my youth.

I have gotten over 400 of these messages auto-sent to my comments on Myspace…

Hey Richard Bushnell’s Official Myspace, I just bought you as my PET! Click here to find out how much I think you’re $$WORTH$$!

——————————-
This comment was sent by your friend via the Own Your Friends! application. To block comments sent via Apps.

click here.

GO. TO. HELL.
You didn’t buy crap. I’m not for sale.
If I was you couldn’t ALL have bought me - I’m a finite recourse. There’s only one in stock.

You all suck. Every last one of you who willfully put this stupid application on your profile and spammed all your poor friends with it. It’s not funny. It’s not cute. It’s not fun. There are zero redeeming qualities of this Myspace app. You suck for using it. The only reason anyone uses it at all is to join the sheep heard after getting it from 10 of their other friends.

Stop buying me. The maintenance alone would bankrupt you.
Die.

Whatsamatter wienies? You intimidated by my awesomeness? Clearly so. Cuz over the last 3 months, five female friends I don’t talk to often or haven’t seen in person in awhile (or ever) on Myspace and Facebook have made passive aggressive comments about how my main pictures are missing shirts.

Ya. They sure are. So wuts it to ya bitches?

They’ll say things like “put a shirt on!” or comment a fully clothed picture with “didn’t know you owned any shirts!” (yuk yuk), but what they really want to say is that “I hate that your body is better than mine and that you’re not ashamed of flashing it around like I am”.

You can try and intimidate me into falling in line to behavior you’re more comfortable with allz you want lay-dies. But it ain gon have no effectz on meh.

Cuz what you have trouble understanding my dear children is that I don’t post pictures like that for any of your pathetic little reasons you do/have/ or would.

Not to get attention or impress the ladies.
Not to show off to my fellow males or earn respect.
Not to reassure myself that yes I AM sexy (”I am dammit! right??”)
Not to chronicle and boast over recent improvement in my appearance.

I post them for one reason and one reason only:

Because I’m a vain motherfucker.

And I like the sight of my own gloriousness.
And nothing. NOTHING. you say. will ever. everrrr. change that.

It is MYspace int it? Facebook is a page all about yourself still, right?
Ya. I thought so girls.
See ya around.
Good day…….

Screw you Myspace! You mean nothing to me! You should mean nothing to everyone. I’ve said it dozens of times before and I still keep having to say again and again that nothing on Myspace or Facebook is real. Not from me anyway. Its the same fanciful mix of satire, humor, sarcasm and self promotion peppered only with dashes here and there of genuine reality of my personal life. I already have a life in real life. I don’t need to claim places on the internet with it. And none of you should. These social networking sites should be diversions, business tools, or both.

But the world still hasn’t gotten the message. Whats worse is that neither have people close to me that REALLY should know better. They constantly yapp about not being on my top 8, or doing/not doing some other online action that supposedly speaks to how I think or feel about them in the real world. Not so. Never so. You’re an idiot.

Now I get into THIS mess with the chick I’m banging when she IM’s me with this (it says my name instead of screen name cuz it was on ichat):

prettyface85: ur myspace says ur inlove
prettyface85: who r u inlove with :* ;) ;)
Richard: myself. duh
prettyface85: oh
Richard: jk. hate to burst your peepie little bubble, but idk wtf ur talking about or where it says that
prettyface85: lol
prettyface85: well it says amours n i looked what it meant
prettyface85: n it says in love
prettyface85: on ur richardbushnell myspace
Richard: where?
prettyface85: ur current mood or somth
Richard: oh. lol. amorous
prettyface85: yea
prettyface85: that
Richard: awk-warrrrrrrrrrrrrrd
prettyface85: ?

Um. I misread it when I first selected that as my “mood” (a new feature myspace offers now that they stole from Facebook) and thought it said “avarice”…

Avarice means insatiable greed for riches; inordinate, miserly desire to gain and hoard wealth.
Amorous means:
1. inclined or disposed to love, esp. sexual love: an amorous disposition.
2. showing or expressing love: an amorous letter.
3. of or pertaining to love: amorous poetry.
4. being in love; enamored: She smiled and at once he became amorous of her.

So of course the bitch picks #4 to be the #1 meaning of the word, gets all fricken excited, and plays the falsely bashful southern bell only to get let down (girl: why sakes alive, who would those flowers be fo? - guys: uh. my ma - girl: oh…).

Should I have lied and just said something like “oh, you know it shawty! ;)”. Duh. Would have gotten me plenty of extra serendipitous points I didn’t have to try for. But alas, I don’t know how to lie. So I layed it on her nice and blunt like.

She was not happy. I think she cried a little.
I don’t feel bad. Cuz you shouldn’t be taking Myspace so f-ing seriously in the first place!

dickkead: dude, i have an important question that you might be able to answer for me

Richar900: k

dickkead: do you have any idea where i can get a free $50 Macy’s gift card?

Sigh……………………………….

If I was just a random snarky blogger, I would leave the post at that and let everyone who gets it trade laughs and smug high fives.

But I have a legacy to think about and I have to make sure my material is timeless - and that is why I’m going to go ahead and explain that at the time of this posting, the social networking spammers paradise website known as Myspace.com is suffering an epidemic of hijacked profiles that send out autospam offering free Macys giftcards.

The spam shows the picture above, links to a spam site, talks in kidspeak so you think its a real message and not an auto-advertisement, and then steals your soul.

Every generation had a crisis to live through that they will reminisce with their peers forever. The Great Depression, World War 2, the Carter administration.

And now our generation has the Great Myspace Spam Attack of 07… or 04 to 07. depending how you want to gage it…