UPDATE: nice try world, but you just got BUSTED. I asked the lady at the counter to bump me up to First Class and she typed away at the computer and said she did it without even glancing at my ticket and ID in my hand… so either she just didnt feel like doing her job and was pretending or she’s a new actor on my Truman Show style hidden-camera-life. How else would she just know who I am? If I walk on the plane and it’s a first class seat – you all have some motherfkkn explaining to do as to why none of you ever dropped any hints to reveal my life is a reality show. eff you guys. [& tune in tonight for part 2 of this saga]

You are SO busted, world. – when they called my name up they called up 3 other people and knew i was Bushnell again without me saying so.

which reminds me of that happening for real: a long time friend of the family totally cut us Bushnells off from their lives because they had a long day/bad experience at the airport when leaving my sisters wedding and for some reason channeled that into resentment to us… wtf. some people… I’m kinda the same way though – i constantly have to fight the urge to hate people who put me in less than advantageous situations through no actual fault of their own. if Sarah didnt cut my hair so stone cold sexy, idk if she’d have escaped my white hot hatered. close call.

While at Orlando airp I did a Facebook Places check-in. I clicked Orlando International Airport as the place I was at and for my “what are you doing there” I wrote “bout to get high”. Except Facebook didnt post the full name. It just said “Orlando”. So I told everyone I was “bout to get high in Orlando”. That’s fkkn gay. You’re retarded, Facebook. Now I have to wait MONTHS to repeat that awesome joke cuz you friggin ruined it. God damn, we’re so fighting right now.

I otherwise had a great flight out of Tampa even though the last seat in First Class was the the one in front with no place for your bag. Otherwise it was fine – had a nice nap, listened to a little music, turned the fuck around and came back to Tampa because of some bullshit “overheating” warning issue on the plane – great stuff. So now i’m back at the gate on the ground after an emergency landing waiting for a new departure time of 3 o’clock EST.

seriously… ug. I tried to tell the captain – or wait, no, thats on a boat. pilot on a plane. whatever, it was a chick is the point so – I tried to tell the bitch behind the wheel (or steering rutter? idontfkkn know) that I ignore the check engine lights in my car like, all the time, and it’s not a big deal. but would they listen? nooOOooo. christ…

If anyones here in T, lets go see a dirty movie or smoke some crack behind a Bob Evans dumpster or something..

Or at least: anyone have a good Netflix suggestion? preferably something with a lot of nudity cuz im seated near a kids play area (chyea, they have those in friggin airports now. like, at the mall. just little slide and climby shit) and am ready to make this interesting.

UPDATE: That 3 o’clock time has been pushed back to 5. This is like a field trip. Except instead of a field, it’s an airport terminal and instead of going on a trip i’m stuck in an airport terminal…

UPDATE: Good news! the 5 o’clock flight was canceled leaving zero options left to go directly to my destination today. wait, did i say “good”? i meant to cry and whine that i want to go to sleep.
The pilot suggested I fly to Chicago and connect to Dallas from there… Tampa to Chicago to Dallas… tha faaaack? Flights are all full tomorrow (like, overbooked, full).
New plan is to fly to Miami at 5:30pm. then Dallas from there
Yes, I’m flying to Miami Florida from Tampa Florida to get to Dallas Texas… oh, you’re having a hard time visualizing how balls stoopidz that is? here:

UPDATE: Well at least Miami is warm. All the hotels near the airport are full though. Maybe if I just get drunk and pass out on the beach clutching my laptop bag that will be the same as a real sleep in a hotel.

UPDATE: Got shuttled to a Hilton. They not only refused to give me a “I know a guy who slept with Paris (twice)” discount but they want to charge me $1.61 for a god damn tooth brush. $1.61 extra just to scrub the cavity causing foam off my teeth? at $140 bucks a night? Fuck you Hiltons. Actually, I did get a $20 discount flirting with the chick at the front desk. and the guy at the front desk who took over when her computer quit working. But ima use that saved money on a prostitute, not a friggin tooth brush.

UPDATE: Well laa dee daa, boys and girls. Evidently silk boxers that outline my junk as if I were nude isnt “appropriate swimwear” here at the swankypants Miami Hilton. puh. The spa was closed anyway so idontevencare. JACUZZI PARTY IN ROOM 329 MOTHERFKKERRRRZZZZ! cept theres no jacuzzi in here. but this bath will fit 3 if one of them is Asian and I can swish around and blow bubbles n stuff.

UPDATE: how the hell do I miss shark week, EVERY God damn year… I havent seen a 7 day stretch of redundant shark story reenactments since like 2001.

UPDATE: aw hell no. Leslie Nielson died today. GREAT. Just what this day needed. I prepared for this years ago thinking his time was up but he kept on going. Now, without warning he kicks it. I usually expect a person won’t die if they havent done so by the time I expected them to.

and now… I pass out…

It rained for 4 days straight here at home so I posted a status announcing that I did not move to California for this crap and would be spending the rest of the week in Hawaii. so while in Hawaii, when a cloudy day came, I had to remain consistent and leave. so I did.

Leaving the house in just a few hours (meaning I should probably try to sleep for one or two of those) at 6AM to fly to Florida for Thanksgiving at my brothers house.

And while we’re speaking of family and morbid thoughts of a tragic death: I just remembered that my “Read this if I’m dead” file isn’t on this computer. It’s on the old hard drive that crashed last year, so my friends and family will never know my last wishes.

Brief recap of it (just in case): I love everyone, even those of you with seemingly little or brief roles in my life, mourning is allowed and yes it totally sucks that the world doesn’t have me in it anymore but do me a big fave and dont let it bum you out TOO too bad (like for the rest of your life. just sob for maybe a week and carry on with my memory, paying forward my awesomeness every day).

If horrible accidents dont occur though, i’ll just check in tomorrow.

UPDATE: I survived, but only BARELY seeing as the 2 choices of breakfast in First Class on the plane were some corned beef crap or plain old cereal and fruit (exactly what i had before i left the house).

I didn’t sleep a friggin wink, which kinda sucked. I should have packed and prepared a little earlier so I could have gone to bed sooner than 3AM when I have to leave 3 hours later. its impossible to sleep under a scenario like that for me cuz i’ll just wake up every 10 minutes in fear i’ve overslept or in panic to beat the clock cuz i dread being woken up by an alarm. I took a screenshot of my alarm setting to calm my OCD compulsion to keep checking it to see if it was set.

Ride to the airport went smoothly. security took longer than usual and I was the last person to board the plane. oops.

Getting up so early reminded me that mornings are awesome.

Then I remembered I had family owned tropical beach front real estate.

So I decided, eff it. I’ll just go to Hawaii for the week.

So I did. and now I’m here.

And when I was entering the baggage claim, the airport employee in front of me had glow in the dark spiders in her hair. that was kinda cool.

Yeay for Hawaiiloween…

2 years ago I had just polished off an awesome blog about traveling to Texas for Thanksgiving and similar shit happened to me. I told this awesome story about how I accidentally left my ID at the check-in counter and the line for security was huge so I took a gamble and took a passer-by’s advice (that he announced to everyone in line) to walk down to the adjacent terminal and go through security there because the line was much shorter. It was. but I soon realized that I didn’t have my license to show the guy to get through. crap. So

I walk all the way back and I pass a few people from the original longer line who get discouraged seeing me, naturally assuming that my mission failed and it was even worse at the next terminal. I had to tell them that no, its good and I’m just going for a walk for the hell of it or something, and then awkwardly relate the same thing to the people in line. I go back to the check-in counter and they don’t have my ID cuz they sent someone looking for me with it. Just some poor random guy who they handed my license and said “find the guy in the picture”. So I went walking aback through the line and finally found him, then announced to everyone in the line that yes, the promised land in the neighboring terminal is a great deal better, and like Moses, I led them to a better life.

Awesome story, right? Of course it was, don’t be an ass. And it happened 2 years ago, but when I finished typing it and hit publish, WordPress was all “oh, wut? lol. I didn’t think you were logged in anymore bro. u gotta do that again cuz like your cookie timed out er wutever”. So I re-log and it redirects me to all the shit I typed, saved as a draft. NOT. It gives me a blank fkking “new post” window. Hitting the back button does nothing but give me a “back in time” blank fkking window.

After this incident, new versions of WordPress included an update with an auto-save draft feature. TOO FKKING LATE, assholes.

And that’s all I have saved on this story because when I hit publish, after typing paragraphs of this story, only to be told I was no longer logged into the software. And of course when I hit the back button, my blog was gone.