Have i done something wrong?? why else would Bieber not answer my prayers for one of these? come ON already. every moment I continue to live without having known its glory is an agony i cant even describe :*(

Actually, the “lower standards” line is for humor. the truth is more like “re-adjust” your standards. its not that chick standards are necessarily “too high”, it’s that they’re just all kinds of wrong for what they actually want and need and is compatible with them.

One female friend comments:

Why do we have to do all the work? Guys, do yourselves a favor, fix yourself up, and all problems shall magically disappear.

The answer: Because it will not happen, ever.
Men are animals. women are the only things that civilize us. as long as trashy ho’s will sleep with a skeezy guy – he will never fix himself. ever. guaranteed. its not “work” you have to do. its being more discerning with whom you give yourselves to. we went from cavemen to hand kissing “throw my coat down on that puddle so m’lady’s dainty feet wilst not get muddy” conciliatory gentlemen because we had to. we became cavemen again because we can be. — the world would be a beautiful place if women would just avoid the company of bad men. instead, they flock to it and that which is rewarded will increase. every time. guaranteed.

Another friend comments with this scenario:

girl: i like bad boys
why?
girl: nice guys are boring

*broken girls like “bad boys”. healthy, well adjusted females who have an average or above relationship with their father do not like “bad boys”. the reason broken bitches flock to them is because the females most primal drive is safety and they dont feel safe with safe guys – they feel safe with alpha males even if theyre abusive because even if they beat the hell out of them theyd rather have that than face the big scary world alone without an alpha male “protecting” them.

I dont know what this image is of or from but landstriders were what I thought of when I saw it:

This is a landstrider by the way:

Speaking of which, this happened a couple hours ago and is sitting in my “to-do” que:

I usually find the phrase “you can’t make this stuff up” to be a glorification of poor imagination because I almost always think I could have made [whatever it is] up just fine, but when it comes to dumb people trying and failing to exert dominance by bashing people online – especially for stupid reasons, it’s true: I usually can’t make it up.

Here’s a fun exchange I just had a little bit ago on the comment thread of this political cartoon one of my friends posted:

I think my boy Hunter wins Best Caption by saying “Holy shit, dead babies read newspapers???”. haha. Another person writes “Rather pathetic cartoon. Looks like those ugly precious moments dolls.”

I fucking hate Precious Moments dolls…there’s something so pretentious and douchey to their exaggerated innocence that makes me want to murder them. They don’t have mouths though, so that’s at least one positive the series has going for it – representing kids in an idealic fashion (I said that on the comment wall on facebook but I immediately felt guilt over it since it’s a total lie. everyone knows that kids that talk a lot don’t annoy me, but I had to go undercover for the sake of delivering the line). That aside though – it’s a scam to ad-hominem a political cartoon because you dont like the art used to deliver the message of course.

Anyway – the point in the toon is that aborted kiddies are chillaxing in heaven and lamenting the fact that they never even got ONE cake and candles day while the Supreme Court ruling that made killing them a Constitutional right is already nearing a mid-life crisis.

Some other commenters brought up karma and religion and anti-religion stuff, to which I said “theres no such thing as karma and if theres no god then all the more reason to not carelessly kill human life.” I was responding to someone saying that “you can’t outwit karma”, which appears to me to be the often used term of the word where people think that theres a cosmic tit-for-tat going on in the universe. There isn’t. Sorry if that upsets you. I clarified this elsewhere in the thread, and admitted that I totally use the word loosely too, just like most people and blah blah blah. This isn’t a post about the usage of karma or whether it exists in any sense or not. In any sense? Sure. maybe it’s there. I’ve got no reason to argue for or against it. Someone on the thread does though, and this is where the fun happened…

Wheeler, whom I dont think is a mutual friend with the person who posted this picture and must have just saw my comment on that Facebook live-ticker bullshit came in and commented “how can you say that karma doesn’t exist and then speak of the possibility of God? does karma not exist because you don’t believe it or because science as proven it too not exist.” I explained further what I was talking about, but the fun part is the addition of this doucher Abbot Mabus who enters the fray with condescension that makes no sense:

The “are you on drugs?” response was extra weird considering that prior to this comment he had already responded to me by saying that my comment is “tantamount to saying there is no such thing as the internet. Both karma and God are articulated, thus both exist.” and I pointed out how that is tantamount to saying that there IS such thing as unicorns because people talk about them. Somehow he forgot all about that exchange and is now questioning what Wheeler is tripping on and asking “When did write [SIC] about karma not existing?”

Okay, so we’ve established that Abbot’s got short term memory and doesn’t know that articulation means talking (specifically: in a fluent and clarifying manner). Fine. no ones hassling him about it. But in the same comment he says that articulating something makes it factually real, he says:

My dispute had to with knowing what karma is versus accepting some popular culture idea about karma, similarly to how someone like you assumes that theology is about a guy on a cloud. While your ignorance is boundless, it still is no match for reality.

If you’re wondering if you missed the part where I said theology is about a guy on a cloud, don’t worry – so did everyone else. It didn’t happen.

So now the guy who doesn’t know what articulating means and forgets the contents of comments he responded to just minutes ago is saying my ignorance is boundless because of…something I never said. lulz. You can see where this is going… but okay – Clearly this doofus is an easy target, but you have to remember that even self-illustrating dummies have to learn to not be bullies and/or rely on false versions of history to validate their arguments. So I totally bait him and say “Abbot is a fool for thinking that karma means that unicorns exist.” He never said that just like I never said anything about gods and clouds or theology at large. So he totally takes it and asks “When did I write about unicorns?” to which he gets the punchline reply from me: “When did I write about God being a guy on a cloud?”. But here is when it got weird…er. Instead of reacting like a human and realizing he made an error in making shit up about me, only to realize it when I illustrated it by doing the same to him, he actually cited where he thinks I talked about God being a dude on a cloud…

That “poorly written sentence” he’s referring to?:

I admit to being slow enough to have to re-read it 3 times before I figured out that it was the capitalization and lack of apostrophe’s int he contractions that he’s referring to. Well shit. that hardly seems fair to enter as a rule for discourse on facebook this late in the game. I should have known that I was supposed to be checking these things like they matter instead of treating them…logically. dough.

The problem with coming up with logical fallies like ad hominem attacks late in the game after you’re already losing on substance is that you at least have to make sure that if you’re going to submit such dumb rules, you need to have followed them yourself earlier in the thread…

I usually don’t do much to these people when I see them tying their own nooses except to use improv rules of how to “yes, AND” them and keep things rolling till theres a sufficient comedic close. This one is tricky cuz if I just straight up point out that the dude is bonkers and claiming a sentence says something it doesn’t then he has no where to go, so instead I looked for further development on the grammar nazi fallacy he started relying on – cuz obviously at this point he is not concerned about the reality in any of the comments – he’s ego-tripping and freaking out cuz it would ruin his day to get owned on Facebook and either admit it or ignore it, so thats all the “oh YA? well ur stupid!” responses are about. With that in mind I responded to his request that I re-read my sentence that didn’t say anything about God in clouds or theology at large by saying:

Richard Bushnell
Dont need to, playa. I lived it. sorry you’re having so much trouble deciphering reality with your imagination. get well soonz

Richard Bushnell ?
(right now Abbot has no idea when that sentence ends cuz theres no period. id apologize for the confusion if it werent such a pathetic logical fallacy and lame attempt at obfuscating the fact that the dude is just making up dialog that only exists in his head)

Response couldn’t have been better…

So the “logic” he had in mind was: typing = writing, but conversing through type is not writing. A silly enough mistake if not for the fact that he’s resting on the last-ditch-effort premise that not knowing that which he’s wrong about makes one a “simpleton”, which itself is the kind of put down we might have laughed at in the 90s in an episode of Fraisure, but not so much as a sick burn in 2012.

This is what I mean about not being able to write this stuff… Dude basically handed this post to me, giftwrapped. I pay forward my gifts of douchie bullying though and put them on display for you all to enjoy, cuz I’m generous like that.

I didn’t bother mentioning that by his standard of Facebook language use, “typing” isn’t “writing” but we all get the point that he’s living in a world of Fail already, so I went for a jog instead.

Oh – and also – I’m old! I forgot to include that part. He just reminded me cuz he commented on that thread that I should blame “my age” instead of karma and before that he said “Richard, you should blog about looking old and writing like a fat kid taking a creative writing class in the sixth grade.” I’ll let it speak for itself which one of us writes like a “fat kid taking a creative writing class in the sixth grade”, but the age thing is new. I better get ready for it though as the number of birthdays before 30 gets smaller and smaller – more and more gay guys that are bad at reading comprehension, memory, arguing, language, logic and not being a douche will only be slinging that one at me more as time goes on.

I can’t wait!

Big pimpin. the Bushnell way…

Blue Bell is the only company I know that makes amazing flavors like cotton candy and birthday cake for home storage but they’re not nation wide. for overpriced cups of it, Coldstone or a similar creamery/gourmet ice cream place will have the more exotic stuff like this. theres bits of cake and sprinkles in it to make it indistinguishable (as far as your brain is concerned) from the real thing. its magic in every spoonful.

Update:-I take that back. it’s not sprinkles. i should have never said sprinkles. its those flat edible cake-confetti things. i regret the error.

Cats: “this person feeds me. protects me. loves me…. I must be God!”

It must be used in the rarest of circumstances or it is devalued. keep America strong! we dont want to be like Europe in economics OR language. over there its the name of products and friendly sayings and nicknames. we have a different tradition here and must preserve it – only unleashing the C-monster from our arsenal when we need to show a bitch we mean fuckin business.

[this message sponsored by the foundation for Continued Under-usage of Nasty Terms]

Fun side note: Microsoft released the Critical Update Notification Tool for Windows 98, but later changed the name to Critical Update Notification Utility to avoid using the unfortunate acronym…

I dont get it. why would that person care? wouldn’t the more useful thing to say be to the person being ignored: “while you are begging for attention from someone who doesnt want to give it to you, someone else is begging it from you while you ignore them”

UPDATE: The girl who posted this explains it as “It’s basically saying don’t ‘sleep on’ the idea that someone is there…bcuz someone ELSE could come give them what you wouldn’t.”

That makes more sense. I was thinking the person doing the ignoring didnt care about the other person but instead its a caution against a situation where you do care or could care but you’re friend-zoning them or something and could later be disappointed when they give up and move on.

First i thought – isnt the whole point that you dont care, so who cares when they move on? — but the other way to view it is Heathers explanation where its not that you dont care about the person but that youre just letting them hang because you can. like a “keep my options open” kinda sitch