Richardland Blog

Tonights Timeline Outline

richard — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 08:27:56 +0000

Tor Peterson and I used to be best friends, but I waged war on him after my girlfriend at the time cheated on me with him. 8 Billion years later, we have made up and are back to shenanigans.

-I go to bar and drink the most alcohol I ever have in one sitting (almost 1 entire bottle of beer!!1).
-Tyler comes up and we reminisce about old times before he has to go.
-Tor & i go talk to these 2 chicks at bar.
-Tor brags about the durability of his phone encased in an invincible OtterBox
-Girls challenge these claims and Tor throws it on the floor and stomps on it.

-Skeptical girls continue to challenge and then stomp on his phone and actually break it…(they shattered the screen)

-Tor and I play darts with girls at bar.
-Tor and I ditch the girls when they go to the bathroom.
-Tor and I pee on his truck in the parking lot instead of in the bar (since that would ruin the ditching).
-Tor speeds the fuck out of the parking lot for dramatic effect. takes a hard turn onto the highway and doesn’t let up when his truck fishtails on the wet road (it rained all day).
-We slide. into. a fucking. ditch.
-Tor tries to fix it.
-We slide all the way down the crevice of the ditch.
-I get out to push, which is totally futile since 2 wheels aren’t even hitting ground.
-Cop pulls up with lights on.

-Tor answers every question wrong, making him sound drunker and more criminal.
-Cop recognizes his military service and lets up on the questioning.
-Cop asks me what I do for a living and for some reason doesnt show the same respect and reverence when I inform him that I’m a model and improv comedian who maintains a network of websites and blogs…
-Tor has an AutoClub membership… but can’t call it from his phone…
-Brenda to the rescue – which is the name of my iPhone, and also Tors ex girlfriend.
-It starts to pour rain. I am in a sleeveless black shirt.
-We wait for the truck in the back of the police car.
-The truck gets towed out of the ditch.

-We fill out the tow paperwork at a gas station.
-I get a donut and a banana at the gas station.
-We crack up the whole way home that that really just happened.
-Shower. Blog. Bed.

Talkers that like to talk

richard — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 08:02:42 +0000

I always get suckered into conversations where the person pretends like they’re gonna talk to you about one thing they want to tell you but really go on 18 tangents explaining every meaningless detail that remotely relates to it…

i’m 17 minutes into this phone call and still dont know shit about the instance i thought i was going to hear detailed…

Real men swim home

richard — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 04:22:30 +0000

Still in Missouri and was out on the good old glorious mucky liquid mud that is Lake Saint Louis all afternoon. After dropping off the dead weight (see: “females”), we went back out for some man fun. we jumped off our water vessel and swam in the middle of the lake for awhile and let the boat drift away as we slowly followed it. around 8pm one Mr Erik Willson and I decided to swim back to his house while Captain Theodore Pussypants (who shall remain nameless for now) putt-puttd alongside.

What did YOU do tonight? did you swim across a fkking lake at night? didnt think so.

Fat is clogging my body

richard — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 02:57:45 +0000

Having sharp pains in the heart. idk why. ive only been exercising 90% less and eaten nothing but fast food burgers, fries and chicken fingers for a week. whats the big deal? oh, you cant take it, Body? wtf. pussy.

*eats gross movie theater popcorn for dinner*

Oh, and speaking of movies: I just saw The Last Snorebender. and geeeeef…. its not. um… good.

this creepy picture of me staring into your soul is though:

This hair keeps on truckin

richard — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 01:26:21 +0000

I know I need to get rid of this hair and go back to my shorter look, but it’s hard. I have to because it doesn’t look great in videos I think. but in pictures? stellar. trying the Conan curl and mmmm… if I wasn’t a self absorbed Narcissistic reflective-homo-eroticist image conscious doucher before, this puts me over the top…

Can you spot the difference(s)?

richard — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 01:26:32 +0000

? one of these things is not like the other ? ….
which two are Missouri boys, and which one moved to southern California?….

Texan Bobcat

richard — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 06:05:29 +0000

Check out this crazy bobcat just prowling around my parents front yard here in Texas….

Lets exchange gifts. I want an iPad….

richard — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 19:43:59 +0000

Where my friends who make a decent living at? lets have a Christmas-in-August party and gimmie an iPad. i’ll gift you back something of equal value. or just give you $500 cash in Hallmark card…. I can’t bring myself to waste the money on something for myself that I don’t need – but a gift to a friend, thats fine. so whatta ya say?

help my Aspergers induced requirement for order and logical sense in life and lez swap. surely theres a clothes store or some bullshit your conscience wont allow you to shop at that I can get a gift card from for you? mm?

Quit putting your worries on blast

richard — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 06:31:17 +0000

Pro tip for all of you internetties: quit using social networking sites to cry yourself a river over every little negative thing in your life. what makes you think its a good idea to broadcast your problems to a wide … Continue reading →

Texas for a day

richard — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 02:23:03 +0000

Just landed into Dallas and ate a steak bigger than my head. mmm. my hair might be gaytacular but my appetite is still in Lumberjack mode. time for some man sleepz though.