If I’m an adult, then you can be one too

I was just talking to someone afraid to grow up and ruining their lives over perpetual Peter-Panism and I tried and failed to illustrate a point. Well, I mean, *I* didn’t so much fail, as they ruined it by trying to be 10 steps ahead of me and where I might be going with what I was saying.

I merely asked “Do you think I am an adult?”.
Simple question to make a simple illustration. I thought the answer was obvious. Of course i’m a frigging adult. I have my shit together in a structured life that I carry out reliably; I have a mature and realistic view on the past, present and future & I have a slate of responsibilities in the business world and my social life which I execute faithfully and competently while taking responsibility for myself and my actions to boot. There’s no way I could be not-an-adult.

Except he replied “hmmm” (this was via text) and then after a pause said “no, i don’t. i was trying to think of a time when i did and i never did.”

Oh… well alright then. Nevermind.

But for the rest of you: the point I was going to make before I got that douchey (though earnest) answer was that if you think growing up is scary – go ahead and turn to me as a role model that it aint.

Ya, I’m a competent and responsible mature minded individual with responsibilities that I handle like a boss.

I’m also essentially an 11-year-old. I watch cartoons, enjoy high-energy physical play and if I have to continue this list then you’re too far behind on who I am to really understand this post.

The point I was making is that being an adult doesn’t mean becoming John Kerry. You don’t have to wake up in a suit and tie and talk about Roth IRA’s all day. You can do whatever you want. Being an adult is being mature minded and cognizant of  yourself, this world and how the two combine (your place in this world). It doesn’t mean “being like your parents” or “not liking certain things” or anything stupid like that.

When I was a kid I looked forward to the leadership and success opportunities my business-minded side could embrace but prematurely mourned the loss of all the fun stuff I liked and enjoyed at the time, thinking that the enjoyment of those things were fleeting and on a ticking clock. Wrong. I like everything I always did – from the kid stuff as an adult to the adult stuff as a kid. Now, that consistent ying-yanging from kid-to-big isn’t common but the takeaway that should hearten your fears of the future is simply that very little about you needs to change as you get older. Besides legal sex with 16 year-olds, you really don’t have to miss out on anything as an adult. You only get *more* options. All you have to do to get the designation is mature and be moderately responsible.


Now, I got to say none of this to the person I intended to go on this jag on with because they cut me off at the pass by informing me that not only do they not see me as an adult but that at no point in their history of knowing me did they ever see me as one, so that obviously killed my thesis. But the rest of you strangers know me far better than this turd burglar does, so i’m confidant you smell what i’m cookin here. The reason i’m annoyed with their detour is cuz they quickly afterward changed their answer, saying “i said no because my first instinct was to say yes and the only way i’ve been semi successful lately is to judge entirely against my usual instinct about things”.

Let this example be a side lesson to you though that no one likes someone trying to figure out where you’re going with a premise and beat you to it. I especially don’t. I know what I’m doing. You don’t. You don’t know anything about where I’m going. You can ask if you don’t want to answer what sounds like a bizarre and random question, but you don’t need to try to skip ahead, lest you get trapped in some gotcha interrogation or something. Like these losers on these judge shows my mom always watches – especially Judge Judy – she’ll ask a simple question and you can just see these morons try to figure out why she’s asking them that and construct what they think is the “right” answer. They’re not only wrong every time but their calculation is transparent, causing her to yell at them in her famous fashion every time. If you’re asked by a judge (even a tv one) “did you have anything to drink that night?” just say yes or no – not “well, that night we were…” blah blah blah. If you’re asked by a regular person, just calm down and don’t be a douche about it is all.