This hair is getting out of control

I’m seriously considering flying Lauren Compass back for a day to cut – nay, to “do” – my hair. im in a panic… its so out of control. but i feel like im in too deep. i either need to nuke the whole thing with a total buzz or get it back to normal the right way… Supercuts cant handle this shit.

i dont even know what to do with it at this point. it controls me more than i control it.

Lauren suggests it get slicked back. I need to get some product to accomplish such a feat but

UPDATE: we’re gonna try this slicked back thing. (picture taken cuz i checked my facebook before going to bed and had a comment positively reviewing my Twister jammies, which i happen to be wearing, so i posted this on the commenters wall and am now sharing with you)

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The real reason Myspace sunk

the real reason myspace died: it was bad enough that I came so close to getting a role in Apatow’s “Funny People” and then didnt, but i kept from hating on the (bad) movie because I was still on the movie’s top friends on its official…until they took me off.. the jerks. they made a powerful enemy that day. and its be…en downhill ever since. SUCK IT, MYSPACE.

If you doubt that it was actually me and in reality was a classic case of “white flight” that turned Myspace into the run down ghetto that it is, then it gets more complicated. both are true of course. black people were just my tool to drive the wedge and cause the exodus like how Rasputin used those green demon things to create civil unrest among the civilians and start the Russian Revolution in the animated Anastasia.

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Theres no smart test to use Facebook

These two comment threads happened at the same time as she commented on my status and one of my pictures posted from a few months ago.

thought i had heard all the hippie names in CA already (Harmony, Karma, etc), but today tops it: Vanity… as a girls name… they DO know thats a negative adjective..right?…jesus, parents: your children are not Smurfs

Liz Heutmaker Allen
I met a girl today who’s name was Rabbit.
August 2 at 7:35pm · LikeUnlike ·

Richard Bushnell
I met an old guy whose name was Hoppy and when he said he was “descended from rabbits” i felt sad for the millions of times – probably daily – he says that as a way to pre-emtively say “yes…thats really for real my name…”
August 2 at 7:44pm · LikeUnlike ·

Liz Heutmaker Allen
I knew a woman named Hoppi! Funny. She was Native American though so I believe she said is was a cultural name or something.
August 2 at 7:50pm · LikeUnlike ·

Richard Bushnell
the Hopi were a tribe in arizona.
August 2 at 8:04pm · LikeUnlike ·

Liz Heutmaker Allen
Yeah, thanks for the history lesson but hers was pronounced differently, plus we have native americans in Washington too.
August 2 at 8:15pm · LikeUnlike ·

Richard Bushnell
Yeah, thanks for the history lesson but no one cares. indians are in every lower 48. awkward addition.
August 2 at 8:18pm · LikeUnlike ·

Liz Heutmaker Allen
What?
August 2 at 8:18pm · LikeUnlike ·

Richard Bushnell
the 48 states/country minus ak & hi. they all contain natives. i was pointing out the one-upper fail. you basically said you knew someone named sherbette and it was cultural to an ice cream heritage and when i said sherbet is a type of frozen treat you said “thanks for the history lesson but hers was pronounced differently, plus we have ice cream here too”. -awkward.
August 2 at 8:24pm · LikeUnlike ·

Liz Heutmaker Allen
You make no sense at all.
August 2 at 8:26pm · LikeUnlike ·

Richard Bushnell
that wasnt even partially hard to follow.
quit hijacking my comments with your lack of smart.
August 2 at 8:30pm · LikeUnlike ·

Liz Heutmaker Allen
You carry on this conversation but you were the first to make an OT comment, and it was totally irrelevant.
August 2 at 8:32pm · LikeUnlike ·

Richard Bushnell
on the topic of weird names i added a weird name. in reply to a comment on native american names i said something about native american names. someone needs a dictionary for christmas (hint: irrelevant means having nothing to do with something else).
August 2 at 8:38pm · LikeUnlike ·

Liz Heutmaker Allen
Ugh, you make my head hurt. It’s like arguing with a 4 year old.
August 2 at 8:39pm · LikeUnlike ·

Richard Bushnell
its a sad life to lead if 4 year olds can easily correct weird inaccurate statements you make via simple level-1 analogies that are themselves too complex for you to understand. werent you going back to school?
August 2 at 8:44pm · LikeUnlike ·

Liz Heutmaker Allen
What?
August 2 at 8:45pm · LikeUnlike ·

Richard Bushnell
I said: if a person who is 4 years old corrects you in ways you still can’t understand, then that is sign a sign of a larger educational problem that you should fix.

commenting on this picture of Wheeler’s livestreem beerpong championship:

Liz Heutmaker Allen
I have no idea who these people are but this made me LOL.
August 2 at 8:11pm · LikeUnlike ·

Richard Bushnell
http://dammitwheeler.com/vintage-wheeler-compilation/
with bonus facehair richard
August 2 at 8:28pm · LikeUnlike ·

Liz Heutmaker Allen
eh, I don’t feel like clicking that link. If I see too much Richard in one day, I start feeling sort of sick to my stomach.
August 2 at 8:30pm · LikeUnlike ·

Richard Bushnell
jealousy and regret can be painful in the gut, but its not really appropriate to share when no one asks. it comes off as shallow and needy.
August 2 at 8:32pm · LikeUnlike ·

Liz Heutmaker
Allen How is that shallow and needy?
August 2 at 8:33pm · LikeUnlike ·

Richard Bushnell
after checking on “irrelevant”, add those two words to your search que and it should be clear. if not, ask a parent and they’ll probably give a more appropriate explanation on how and why volunteering personal negativity toward someone is not a good self presentation.
August 2 at 8:42pm · LikeUnlike ·

Liz Heutmaker Allen
I didn’t ask what they meant I asked how that was shallow or needy, clearly you need help with reading comprehension.
August 2 at 8:44pm · LikeUnlike ·

Richard Bushnell
i didnt claim you asked what they meant, I told you that looking up the meaning of those words would give you insight to their application. clearly you need help with reading comprehension. especially since I even gave you a plan B if finding the definitions didnt help and you still read that comment the wrong way.
August 2 at 8:47pm · LikeUnlike ·

Liz Heutmaker Allen
I really have no idea what you are talking about.
August 2 at 8:48pm · LikeUnlike ·

Richard Bushnell
i know. cuz you’re really bad at reading comprehension. we…just went through that. remember? (scroll up if not. its still there).

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My starchy fruity diet

Eating a plate of bacon before bed. because i can. and because i had nothing but carbs (bread and noodles) all day. but mostly just because i can.

also on vitamin C overdoses lately. i eat a bowl of fruit and then more in a smoothie and then drink juice and take supplements that include VC and then even the sorbet i have after dinner advertises that its “an excellent source of vitamin C”. my diet lately is just carbs & C. think i need to expand.

Also: wtf is up with carb overloads putting you to sleep? earlier today was the second time i OD’ed on them and got knocked the eff out. could not keep my eyes open in the middle of the afternoon. kept fighting to keep them open and it wouldnt happen. bizarre feeling. I had noodles, chips and a bagel and it was like a chloroform nose plug. i had no idea “food comas” were real… i thought it was just a joke that fat people made. scary.

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Anna is funny

Russian Anna is taking me to this crazy cool secret place in the hills that she’s talked about but… daylight is going away.. so we had this exchange on the phone just now:

Me: so it’s just out in nothingness hm? do i need to bring my pepper spray?

Anna: um, no, you could if you want but I dont think the bugs will be too bad.

and as if that wasn’t gold enough…

Me: but it’ll be dark n stuff… won’t coyotes like, eat us?

Anna: [completely serious] no it’ll be fine, i have this app on my iPhone called “flashlight” so don’t worry.

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Angry douchery on Facebook

Commented on a friends status and the subject of Obama and national security was raised. I said how I’m glad he hasn’t kept his promises on a lot of the national security stuff since I’ve grown accustomed to breathing and would like to keep doing it for awhile. Someone I dont know who had also been commenting on that thread chimed in and I was curious about their opinion. Evidently, asking about it was offensive.

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Chicks dont stop calling

looks like somebody misses me… again… (and yes i file my ex’s with “EX -” before their name so they cant ambush me).

dont feel bad for her. she was a cheating cokewhore. Shortly afterward Mel Gibson called wanting his crazy back.

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Fun with inferiority complexes

Awkward lulz. i texted a girl back “i guess i’m just too good to you” and she sent a long reply agreeing and being emo cuz she read it as “i’m just too good FOR you”.

bonus lulz: after i corrected her i added “this is why i’ll always be better than you”.

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Can’t hate on my Bieber love

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Golfcart dog walkin

just ran outside with my camera to try to snag a snapshot but they were too far down the road and about to turn a corner so you have to settle for the description instead: an old man just passed my house in a golf cart walking his dog…

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