Why I’m terrible and no one should ever be like me because I’m a bad person who sucks

Don’t be like me, kids. I’m a bad influence and example of how not to be. I’m selfish, hot tempered, stupid, impatient, boring in groups or at parties, lazy, unmotivated, negative; I don’t have sick abs or an irresistibly charming personality and I’m terrible at intercourse, problem-solving and Marco Polo 🙁 ……….

nah. April Fools. I’m fkkin awesome at everything.