Always dust yourself off and get right back up again any time you have a discouraging experience.
Just remember: “that which doesn’t kill us, only makes us hurt in the meantime, adding more gratuitous setback to an already ultimately meaningless existence in a cruel and disorderly world of relentless suffering that weakens our body and spirit on this conveyor belt to nothingness where we’ll all be forgotten anyway”.
An opportunity arose for me to put an asian beauty goop of unknown purpose on my face, so obviously I jumped at it without question since I’m tired of living as a hideous monster and am finally ready to do something about it. SAY GOODBYE TO THE OLD ME.
Look at that unphotoshopped realness. God damn I’m a hero. But this post isn’t about how awesome I am – it’s about how awesome my face is. Thanks to blackChina tar.
Like any true inspirational story: this one starts out with adversity. Not just the imperfections of my gross slobbering mug you see above but also the fact that I split the packet with someone else, so I didn’t have as much to slather on my money-maker as you almost surely need. Especially since I later found out that it drys as a rubber gunk that you have to peel off where as at first I thought it was like a mud mask you have to wash off. I was wrong and stupid and I regret the error. I also searched for what it was supposed to even do and found out that it’s a blackhead remover, which would have also informed my technique in application had I known beforehand. Instead I just smear it around way too thin and in way too much surface area of my skin (knowing its a blackhead rubber-peel, I would have just T-zone’d that shiz instead of nook and crannying it all around and up in my beard).
By the way: 2 people deleted me on SnapChat for hashtagging this pic with “black is beautiful”. Which is fine by me cuz I don’t want to be friends with anyone who doesn’t think black is beautiful anyway…
Then comes the peel-off. Which was kindov impossible because as seen above, I didn’t apply it thickly or evenly enough. But whatever. I don’t want it all to go away. I like the residual pieces.
I think it adds character so I’m thinking about replacing the gunk with face tattoos once it finally wares off in a few days. Then when people ask why I permanently stained my skin to look like I had specks of foreign beauty product lingering on it, I can send them this page and get more traffic.
So what do you think of the new me? Do you:
Super Love it
OMFG Love it
Love it but also want to emphasize that I was perfect to begin with and while my humble nature is prone to mark this as an “improvement”, the laws of reality prohibit improvement on perfection and thus this change is a parallel one in my endless loop of godliness and glory.
Please vote in your head and then roominate on it for an hour each day for the next 2 day and then write a 1 page single-spaced summary of your thoughts on the subject and send them to Submit@Richardland.com
I’m pretty positive this “what would you look like as the opposite gender” thing has no technology behind it besides assigning a random photo of another gender to the one that you choose of yourself (sorry to ruin the fun for you) but I’m gonna go with this anyway on account of how it totally validates my often pondered theory of how smokin of a female I would have been.
Spam has a new tactic lately of complimenting its target and it must work tremendously because I’m one of the best humans alive with no needy inclinations or default desire to give a crap about what strangers think, but when I see an obviously robot generated message that alleges to think I’m great, a part of me desperately wants to believe it’s a real human enough to at least make triple super sure before deleting it.
The fact that still as an above-averagely accomplished grown ass adult I still have an involuntary initial reaction to latch onto these opportunities as if there were a shred of a chance they were both real and worth anything is a reminder that i’m still just a dorky kid who wants everyone to like him.
It would all be so ruthlessly tragic if I wasn’t so cognizant of how objectively fkking Awesome I am.
Actually, this image makes me look like a dingus cuz its barely visible, but the day prior it was some bright red Bozo shiz that hurt and got irritated when I unsuccessfully tried to squeeze stuff out of it.
When she spills wine on the carpet and cleans it up with baking soda, but you walk in and get confused at what kind of a party this is…
A note about societies standards of beauty and a reminder that all you need to be is pretty on the inside (and also outside). #selflove #bodypositive #beinghot