As your patron saint of humility through my demeanor of satirical arrogance, I have unique insight into the motives and approaches of those around people who deputize themselves as enforcement to remove pedestal perches from their that-thing-I-just-said. My experience with both despising others who appeared to have all the confidence in the world and by people who don’t get the satire in my own “I’m so great, look how great I am, aren’t I awesome” demeanor has led to these nuggets of wisdom you can use in your own pursuit to shame people atop a horse that’s too high. By all means – continue your crusade – but follow these important rules:
1- AVOID THE DWAYNE-EFFECT (DON’T BE DUBIOUSLY JUDGMENTAL)
I met my later-to-be-good-friend Dwayne in high school and immediately hated him at first. He was a cool silent type, smooth, self-assured, jock with a handsome country-boy-next-door face and tons of friends. He just thought he was soooo cool. Eff him. Every time I saw his stupid stoic face I wanted to punch him in the nose – especially when he wore his bright blue baseball uniform to school on game days or whatever the reason that happened. What a total douche. Except none of that was true except his cute little button of a face. The judgmental image I perceived was pure fantasy. Dwayne was a shy, mild mannered, extremely friendly, humble person who had no idea how good looking his stupid face was and wouldn’t have lorded it over anyone if he did. Yet I labeled him an enemy anyway. I made sure to not give him attention when he was around, to exclude him from groups as much as possible, outdo him, and generally keep him anchored from what I thought was his unfair advantage above me. I was wrong. Don’t you be wrong too.
This must be avoided at the very first step of making the decision whether or not to arrogance-shame someone: they have to actually BE arrogant. That means, provable beyond reasonable doubt – NOT a suspicion that you rule guilty on before exploring the facts. Remember that arrogance is action – it can not be defined as mere existence or excellence in ability, appearance, health, wealth, – whatever.
2- DEAL WITH YOUR INSECURITIES SEPARATELY (DON’T PROJECT)
Other people are not extensions of you and shouldn’t be treated as such. As in the Dwayne example, you shouldn’t be looking to knock others down under the false-impression that you’ll either be boosted up or that you have somehow neutralized a threat. When assessing arrogance in someone, or really when making any judgement about another person, really, you need to take yourself out of the equation.
People are individuals. When you are looking for a romantic partner, you can judge and discuss alterations based on what you think that role should be, but when you are assessing a 3rd party just on their own, you can’t put your own bias into the equation. They are to be compared to objective standards of logic and reasoning – not your own thoughts of what you want that particular person to be in regards to how it benefits or potentially detracts from you.
In the Dwayne example, I so egregiously misjudged him because of my own biases and fears – not because of his actual self.
If you shame someone over your own preconceived notions and feelings of inadequacy, then you’re just a jerk. You’re being a bully, not Robin Hood.
3- EARNED CONFIDENCE IS NOT ARROGANCE (DON’T MISS DIAGNOSE)
Acknowledgement of truth is not arrogance. If a pilot and co-pilot have simultaneous heart attacks and a flight attendant calls for someone who is a skilled flier of aircrafts to come assist immediately, is it “arrogant” for someone to come forward to try and land the plane safely because they are admitting that skill applies to them? Of course not. So what if that same person acknowledges in a different setting that they are skilled at piloting? Also not arrogance.
Confidence in ability is not lack of humility.
^That’s a Richard original, right there. Learn it. The longer version is that a person is “not humble” if they overestimate their importance. A person is “not not-humble” (arrogant, pretentious, prideful) just for reasonably assessing their capability or worth. Arrogance in truth-stating comes when that truth is seriously exaggerated or used to make others feel weak.
4- ONLY INTERVENE WHEN YOUR TARGET IS AFFECTING 3rd PARTIES
It is not your role to change others. If you follow Rule #2, then you most likely won’t feel compelled to. But in the instance that you have gotten to step 4 and are still on the side of speaking up in a way to ground someone who is displaying arrogance – they have to be displaying it in a way that affects others. You can’t just go telling everyone whom you’ve properly diagnosed as arrogant how not-arrogant they should be. They didn’t come to you for such a diagnosis. You can’t invade their space with the info just to change them – it has to be for the good of the whole. If someone is putting someone else down while building themselves up in an unjust way, then it’s okay to say so. Just voicing your disgust at someone who carries themselves loftily isn’t appropriate. Just makes you a jerk.
5- INSURE YOUR CRITICISM IS ONLY AS HARSH AS MERITED (BE APPROPRIATE)
The final checkmark to make in the list. By now you have decided not only that your target is unequivocally arrogant but that their unearned pride is having an effect on third parties and they need to be taken down a peg. Fine. But assess how much a “peg” is and then use that unit of measurement. Don’t go nuclear on your target or again – you’re just a jerk. Be rude to someone who is rude and you’re a hero but be rude to someone who hasn’t been rude and you’re just a jerk.
With these 5 steps you can let some air out of inflated egos around you not only with conviction and piece of mind at your righteousness but from a standpoint of moral high ground that will deflect more negative backfire to your offense in this battle.
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