Growing up in New York, I had a pretty close friend that was the definitional cliche/stereotype/accurate representation of the heavy set woman of color with attitude. her name is Cassandra Cryrius, she owes me $20 for being a short sighted doofus with little faith in America, and I want my frigging money.
10 years ago, when America apparently was still in Civil War era race struggles, the movie Deep Impact came out in picture show theaters and I mentioned to miss Ohnoyodi’int Princess Cassie that I wanted to see it. She scoffed at me and the movie for being so “mad unrealistic”. Interested on her theories concerning the likelihood of galactic debris of an unprecedented sizable nature colliding with earth resulting in catastrophic events and how we as a planet would react, I inquired further on her roots of her skepticism.
Alas, Cassie’s scorn for the movie’s realism had nothing to do with astronomy or science, and more to do with how racist Amerikkka is n stuff. Morgan Freeman plays the President of the United States in the movie, and apparently that was insulting to black people or something. Since by this time we had already frequently had the argument of how deep the impact (see what i did there? that’s rite bitches) of race and racism in America was, there was little to rehash other than letting her know she’s a closed minded whore and America is the least racist country in existence, and also that she should quit whining about boogeymen relics of history and quit complainin to the white kid you’re talking to who has less privileges and goodies from his parents than you do mofo.
After the back and forths of “how you gonna say thats realistic? there ain gonna be no black President, pleez” (her), and “you’re retarded” (me), I settled the conflict with a $20 bet (which back then was a lot of money) that we would see a black President sworn into office before we both turned 40. Well wudda ya know biznatch…
he’s laughing at all you race-victim suckers
And I have over a 15 year buffer even. We could possibly see TWO black Presidents before we turn 40. sheeeit bitch. recanize what you be dealin with.
Shortly after the election, I tracked Cassie down on Myspace – or at least I thought I did until she cam up as the top search result of members already on my friends list (I forgot she had added me awhile ago cuz I kindov try to auto-minderase experiences with her. we’re still cool and all, she just is disturbing and scary as f#ck at times).
I messaged her and reminded her of the bet, letting her know that I accept Paypal, personal checks and bricks of cocaine.
She didn’t respond…
And for good reason. The 08 election crushed her world view. The Man can’t be pushin no peeps down when you know he’s a brother. crap. Deep Impact wasn’t an affirmative action casting to make any group feel good (like that douche in the wheelchair in the Burger King Kids Club) – he was a sign of the times, like “ya. duh this is just normal. what? just cuz it hasn’t happened yet. who cares? chill. give it 2 more elections. we got this”.
Even when The Onion brought this scary parallel up as a cryptic warning to the nation back in February, asking Do We Really Want Another Black President After The Events Of Deep Impact? – the colorblind countrymen of the USA didn’t listen. In other words, America is so NOT racist that we’re going to risk Armageddon annihilation just so we can finally usher in an overdue entrance of dark meat into the Whitehouse.
Today the Cassies of the nation lose.
unfortunately so do the Richard’s of the world because we’re so color blind that we just never seem to learn that black people don’t pay their debts or keep their promises.
f#ck. we’re all screwed….
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