Dearest friend who deleted me on Facebook:
While I think that choosing to no longer have me in your life or on hand in a mode of contact was a sad-making and ultimately unwise move – I nonetheless respect your decision to move on and away from my presence.
While you may be making a foolish and horrible mistake for which I suspect you will come to greatly regret for years to come, I still wish you luck in the rest of your joyless Richardless life.
Whether I offended you with something I did or said or your level of Basic-ness led you to use the “we never talk” canard with which to give me the axe and make sure we never talk again – I hope only wonderful things are in your future and that it is merry and bright and that only the most minimum amount of people as possible find out that you were once in my coveted circle of Contacts and mock you that you voluntarily chose to exit.
Of course, passive-aggressive jokes aside, this message was only written and delivered to you out of sheer butthurt that you no longer wish to remain in contact with me, so if you take nothing in this divorce with you, know that you have at least that.
I’m always at least a little sadface when someone – literally anyone – decides they no longer wish to be connected but I also totally empathize that my presence on your friends list could be annoying or otherwise make you question the worth of keeping me there and I take full responsibility for not being cool enough to be your friend.
While your memory of our time together will most likely fade if it hasn’t already left you, my autistic recollection will keep the good times alive as long as I am.
In loving Memoriam.
Amen.
Your Former Friend,
Richard.
P.S: You can’t re-add me.
P.P.S: If this was sent to you by mistake, then… OOPS. I use an app to notify me of recently-deleted Facebookers and send them this link. Please pardon the error if we’re somehow still friends – or if you got rid of me awhile ago and it only registered it as a recent deletion.
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