I might not be able to handle doughnuts anymore. Is that likely? It seems stupid. but I just discovered there is a 24-hour doughnut place on the main road a block away from me and that triggered a sudden need to stuff large numbers of exactly that food product into my face hole. So I ran up there, taking the McDonalds-dumpster-shortcut and ordered 3 glazed. and then 3 more frosted. and then 2 more in the coconut variety. That’s approximately somewhere in the vicinity of an estimate of around 8 doughnuts. 4 more and I have a dozen (no, I didn’t do any of this math in my head. obviously i’m using a calculator app) which is only 7 dollars. So fine. I order the dozen. even though these are all for me.
I shiftilly look around the place as I get the sneaking suspicion that they do not accept credit cards, which is all I have in my basketball shorts pocket. I verbalize this concern and the asian gentleman says through his thick accent and a smile that no, they are cash only. So I’m all “brb” actin like I’m gonna go to an ATM or something. What I really did was run the half mile home, terrifying a grandpa who looked like an older Super Mario and his grandson as I jumped over my shortcut fence, grab $7 and run back to get my box of fried confection that I have no business consuming.
As I walked home with my box of sin, I knew I had made a mistake. Why did I buy these? I actually dont even want any of them that bad. I really just kinda want one good bite and then a follow up to ensure the need is satisfied and then done. Now I have 12. Also, as many of you know: it is difficult to walk with a box in your hand without eating some kind of baked good. My box happened to have 12 of those so I tore into 1 and destroyed it in a couple seconds. It wasnt super satisfying. So I had another. that did it.
I arrive home and already I start to feel bleh about it – which is odd because I’m pretty immune to crappy food. I’m not one of those people who has ever experienced a “food coma” or feels sick after having McDonalds or sluggish after loading on carbs and sugar like I just did. But then I just did. and it was all bleh and lame.
That box of doughnuts is still sitting there. and I don’t know what I am going to do with them/the rest of my life.
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