Flying to Hawaii might SOUND like a fun time, but you’re not factoring in the hidden horrors of the First Class cabin. For one: the seat has way too many options to make you comfortable. Look at this insanity… Fifteen (15!) buttons to control the height and angle of your head, back, legs and feet.
When its announced that its time to put your seat back in the upright position for landing, you have no idea how the hell to get back to the normal position because you’ve gone through such a cracked out labyrinth of ups and downs that getting back to square-one aint as easy as it sounds.
Then, the movie equipment wouldnt work so they played the “audio book” version of Hugo in case anyone wanted to just listen to the movie. I wonder if anyone actually did. I had loaded up my iPad with a 5 episode story arc of DuckTales after I was reminded of it in a Facebook conversation the day earlier but I was seated further up in the cabin so especially with the lack of official video entertainment on the monitors, ‘erryone woulda been watching me watch 80s cartoons. I watched The Pianist (2002) instead so society would think im smart.
The flight served breakfast and a day later im still reeling from the insult the horrible monster next to me leveled against humanity. There were 2 options: 1 for normal human beings and 1 for people who hate food and life and everything in it… I had the macadamia nut pancakes with coconut syrup and cut pineapple, mango, melon and orange with a slice of coconut bread and a biscuit with water and orange juice….
the asshole next to me had Corn Flakes.
Fkking CORN FLAKES… I can’t enjoy Hawaii knowing that that jerk is somewhere here at the same time. ug. maybe i’ll just go home. fkkn corn flakes…
ADDENDUMS:
-while I assume everyone understands the tone here, some people still legit wondering about the food option and preference. I the presence of plain cereal on the menu is only to accomodate people who cant eat the actual meal. the contrast is just funny that its so cliche generic “corn flakes” with no sides while the other spread is so…not that.
-I originally named this post “First Class Problems” but backspaced that shiz cuz its not immediately identifiable with the phrase “first world problems”, which is obviously the theme of the post. too b
-Within 24 hours of posting the picture of my water glass next to the seat buttons, 5 people with no relation to each other scolded me for wasting the free booze of First Class. Only 2 of who knows i dont enjoy alcohol. everyone else was mad that i consumed water AT ALL, not in lieu of getting hammered.
UPDATE: I just got owned on Facebook for my hypocrisy of raggin on plane-Dude for ordering blah cereal at the exact same time that I order WATER over any of the shades of top shelf liqueur in the rainbow of alcohol options at my disposal…touche. It’d make my life if this guy posted a mirror image of this about me on his blog too. haha.
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