In real life and online, people just have a hard time communicating, which I get. What I don’t get is an unwillingness to recognize ones poor communication and do something about it.
Since I’m tired of individually schooling people on how to engage with other humans you aren’t previously acclimated to, I’ve made you a simple 3 step cheat sheet. Apply these steps to appropriate degrees with strangers in friendly social interactions and with acquired targets you wish to flirt or otherwise seek romantically in order to be interesting, engaging and achieve your goals with the person (be it being friendly to a stranger, making a new acquaintance or flirting to get a number & a date) instead of being a cliche riddled, immediately forgettable boring mess of nothingness.
1) SAY SOMETHING…
Don’t expect “hi” or any similar greeting to produce anything for you. In fact, you can drop the salutation all together and just talk 95% of the time but never use one alone as a conversation starter. In real life, a “hey” or “hi” is only a confirmation of eye contact and attention. It is a connection to start talking – it is not, and must not be mistaken for, talking in itself. This is for when you’re at a club, bar or venue where there is a lot going on or loud music and you are not already making eye contact with your target. Online, a salutation is never necessary and should absolutely never be used alone.
You not only don’t need to say hey or hi to someone online but you should never do it at all unless it’s followed by an actual something-to-say. If you have nothing to say then why are you talking? If you want to talk to someone but don’t know what to say then thats where you find something, not just say “hey” and hope a fascinating conversation magically sprouts forth. Don’t know how to find something to say?
2) STATEMENTS & QUESTIONS
Make a declarative statement or ask a question or both. Use your brain. Use what you know about the other person in real life or online and open with a shared interest or share one of your own. Just state a fact if you need to. A simple observation isn’t optimal but it’s better than nothing because it at least gives you a chance to gage the temperature of your reaction.
See a cute short girl and all you can think of is “you’re short”? – say it. it’s the bottom of the barrel in terms of openers but it’s better than nothing. If she ignores you or gives a cold “um. yea…” response and THEN ignores you, then your target is cold. Move on.
But if she reacts to your stupid observation, say, with a smile and says “I know…”, you at least a warm enough opening to continue into an introduction or further conversation. That is good enough.
If she says something like “Oh ya?” for instance, or some other type of “gee, thanks for that important information” style reaction, then you’re gold because she’s signally an openness to engage. Take the cue in the roleplay and the encounter is yours to fail.
Observations should be your last resort, though. Better than that is to compliment your target, but never on something obvious. Don’t say stupid crap like “you’re beautiful” or something about their eyes. Notice and comment on their shoes, their hair, their jewelry, or whatever you have at your observational disposal. The more personal to their personality and the more unique your statement, the better the impact you’ll have. You should get in the habit of noticing these things about others not as conversational tricks but as informational tools to learn about the people you’re interacting with.
Better than statements, however, are questions. A direct question forces the person to engage either by blowing you off or opening up. Ask them a question about something you observed or otherwise know about them and judge by the temperature of their reaction which direction to go form there.
But most importantly…
3) TRY…
Trying is half the battle. “I didn’t know what to do, so I did nothing” is never an excuse.
There are a billion people accessible to you to interact with. If you are isolated, know that it is self imposed.
Not immediately having the answers is not an excuse for inaction.
You can do it, but you may need some practice. Fear of failure is natural but must be conquered, not coddled.
It’s okay to be scared. It’s not okay to be a coward.
Figure it out. Evolve. Quit settling for being a miserable caterpillar and start the process to being a butterfly already.
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