Whatsamatter wienies? You intimidated by my awesomeness? Just kidding. That part is clear. I only phrased it as a question to be make you confront the reality of your jealous rage. Cuz over the last 3 months, five (5) whole female friends I don’t talk to often or haven’t seen in person in awhile (or ever) on Myspace and Facebook have made passive aggressive comments about how my main pictures are missing shirts.
They certainly are. So wuts it to ya bitches?
They’ll say things like “put a shirt on!” or comment a fully clothed picture with “didn’t know you owned any shirts!” (yuk yuk), but what they really want to say is “I hate that you’re not ashamed of flashing your body around like I am” and they think if they can make people like me a little more insecure then there will be some residual benefit back to their own insecurities.
Luckily: I’m a hero, a trailblazer, and an equal-opportunity “love your body” advocate (because currently that’s a phrase only applied to people who choose to get and remain fat). So I say with clenched power-fist and tightened abs that you can try and intimidate me into falling in line to behavior you’re more comfortable with allz you want lay-dies. But it ain gon have no effectz on meh. Because I. Shall. overcome.
I *will* however do you all the kindness of educating on the topic though… Cuz what you have trouble understanding is that I don’t post pictures like that for any of your sad reasons you do/have/ or would.
Not to get attention or impress the ladies.
Not to show off to my fellow males or earn respect.
Not to reassure myself that yes I AM sexy (“I am dammit! right??”)
Not to chronicle and boast over recent improvement in my appearance.
I post them for one reason and one reason only:
Cuz I’m a vain motherfkker.
And I like the sight of my own gloriousness.
And nothing. you say. will ever. everrrr. change that.
[if reading aloud, take a beat to pause for dramatic effect / applause, then keep the silence going an extra 3-5 seconds before concluding]
I beseech you to look inward. End your scoffing judgement and JOIN me in this confidence. Take your OWN shirt off and let the judgement upon it be day-ummnneduh.
It is MY-space int it?
Facebook is a page all about YOUR face still, is. it. nawt?
I do believe it is.
And I pray for the day you get yourself into a good enough shape to where you make similar posts. and on that day? I will not seek revenge, derogate, or deride.
You will be welcomed to the table of the shirtless. You will be offered drink from my cup. And you will be happy. because you will be free.
Until that day, my children.
Peep these sick abs.
Leave a Reply