Windows Vista. Dell. eff you guys. We’ve never gotten along well but you guys REALLY pissed me the hell off last night. Dell, this specific problem isn’t your fault but eff you anyway cuz the rest of the computer was a 5 thousand dollar piece of crap too.
I was JUST entering dreamland in a particularly comfortable position when I was jolted awake by this terrible computer’s Big Ben like mechanics at 3 o’clock in the fkkn morning.
Does Wayne Brady have to choke a bitch!? FURIOUS was I to be awoken from freshly drifted into slumber by this god damn computer waking itself from sleep mode firing up with its 900 fans like a fkking Vietnamese helicopter because WHY? because Windows Media Center was trying to record The 3AM repeat of the O’Reilly Factor since it missed the live run earlier today.
Any other day, I would take a bullet for Pappa Bear, but at that moment, I could have – and I know i’ll regret saying this later, but i’m just so pumped full of rage from last night that I can’t help myself – called him a Pinhead…
It’s not right to blame O’Reilly though. all he wants to do is give no spin analysis and commentary and tell filibustering pretentious jerks and douchebags to shut the hell up and answer the questions they were asked or to get the hell off his airtime. No, this finger of blame gets pointed directly at the computer.
I got up and pressed the power button to put the thing back to sleep but right when I pushed the prostitute in my bed to roll over and make room for me again, the computer had already come back out of the sleep I just put it in. I saw the loop coming way ahead of time, so I only repeated that process 5 or 6 more times before realizing I had to cancel the recording manually to knock the operating system out.
And of course all this is done in between periods of hold-time while Windows locks up the comet hamster wheel rotating for minutes on end until I can click something and wait some more.
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