Me, every time someone complains about something I said:

(except with more eye-liner but less Asian….)

This is only valid for me, though. It’s super annoying when other people try to use this “oh stawp, you love me” shield when they’re being obnoxious and don’t want to acknowledge it. I have a specific chick from the past in mind, but since you didn’t go to high school with her it wouldn’t make sense and would be cruel to call her out randomly – but if you’ve befriended a sassy female before, you’ve heard this deflection as an escape from a negative reaction.

It works for me though cuz I’m only annoying on purpose and people really do love me precisely because I am hilarious. No one appreciates “keeping it real” but it’s still a valid defense. It’s not a license to kill (emotions) but it’s a permit to injure. Realness hurts sometimes/most-the-time.

As for the underlying premise that causes the complaint in the first place, that is usually dispatched in an exchange that goes exactly like this:

Which should be obvious to everyone, but isn’t because people lack a sense of humor. It’s like people never even saw Ratatouille (which was 0% funny, btw): not everything is a joke, but a good joke can come from anywhere.

So here I am, keepin it real, taking the flack for it, remaining hilarious, and panning for golden humor-nuggets in this messy mud of life. You’re welcome. Love me for it.

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