This is why I only eat wheat grass and soy milk with an occasional rare slab of beef: cuz if I eat your 21st century packed human food, I get addicted like all you other lemmings and can’t control myself. 
It’s also why I can’t drink, smoke or have sex. Once I start, I’ll just become a raging alcoholic human chimney rapemachine, and I just can’t do that to the world.
Wtf are you talking about Richard? BACK OFF. thats what I’m talking about. no. sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped like that. I’m just a little on edge and fighting withdrawl symptoms, which include my mouth watering when I typed “snapped” cuz its the verb step-brother to “crunch” and that’s what those sweet Satans crackers known as Doritos do when you bite down o-hhh CRAP I wanna finish that bag.
but I can’t. It’s 2:30am. I need to go to bed. not eat chips at the same time at night 3 days in a row.
be my Sponsor with this. I’m writing this to divert my attention so I don’t attack that bag of nacho awesomeness, like how smokers chew gum and murderers molest children. hopefully it will work cuz if I crack, I will have to then be honest with you, my loyal audience, and maybe the shaming will deter me fro—fuck it. I’m shoving the last 10% of chips left in that bag down my gullet and licking the powder cheese off the package.
Goodnight “sponsors”. thanks for nothing.
Leave a Reply