Stop insulting people with your terrible negotiations

Having to do a lot of negotiating in the business world ever since I moved to California, I’ve learned some things to never ever do. Since I am slowly realizing that others are not so quick to learn and adapt as I was, I’ve made an easy list of DON’T’s for any business setting – but primarily one related to Venture Capital or similar field. The things you DO are less important than these red-alert deal breakers…

1- DON’T BE UNPREPARED

It’s best if you have something to knock em dead with, but mandatory that you have “something”. Come to the table with nothing new, nothing useful and nothing that fixes lingering issues is certain death. These sessions are not designed for chit-chat. Know your numbers, have your research, show your work and most of all – have extensive thought behind your pitch so you can easily answer any questions, quell concerns and achieve your objective.

Do not ever fumble and bumble through any information delivery.

 

2- DON’T BE LAZY

Put enough work and effort into your analysis so that you know what you want, you know what is fair and you know what you will settle for. Do not ever do any of that math in-the-moment. Save all that time and brain power for processing the new information coming at you in the meeting so you can mentally compare it with your previous numbers.

Never ask someone to “negotiate with themself”. That’s a phrase used in the business world that I quickly learned after falling into the trap myself. I Googled quickly to find a prominent example of a business leader using the phrase somewhere and was distracted by links from dumb hippie sources ignorantly making fun of President George W. Bush for using the phrase, because they don’t understand what it means. It is not a mistake or foolish phrase.

It’s a broadcast of weakness, ignorance and is rude. The term comes into play when the onus is on you to recalibrate and instead of doing so with a counter offer you just stonewall and naysay. Business negotiations are a rolling stone – if they start gathering moss, you are in trouble. You stop the roll when you have no response to what has come at you. In this case, a person should never commit the crime of asking the person they are negotiating with what they should do. Your potential partners are then in effect being asked to negotiate with themselves since you are forcing them to go twice in a row with an offer instead of the normal ping-ponging that it is supposed to be. Stop it.

Know your info and make a fare but persuasive counter-offer. If they are no where near your negotiating level (ie: Bob wants 50% of the Projects royalties for his recourses and Tim was only offering 10%) don’t ignore the chasm – discuss it. You have to be in the same negotiating range or you’re just wasting time, so one of you has to convince the other at least to an area the talk is taking place in. Once that is established to the satisfaction of both people, you have to fight, dude. I’m sick of these pussies with no passion. Do you want to make a deal or don’t you? You reveal how important it is to you if you constantly give up and run out of ideas and have nothing to say but what you don’t like while offering the other party no way to please you. That is an immature, insulting way to resign from negotiations. Never do it. Even if resignation is your intent. Don’t be a lazy jerk and talk out every detail.

 

3- DON’T LEAVE ON BAD TERMS AND EXPECT TO BE ALLOWED BACK

I don’t know how anyone even does this – in the business world OR in real life. If you end negotiations in disaster, there is no “well, I guess we’ll try again tomorrow after it all blows over”. Stop being a spoiled brat with an entitlement complex. You get 1 shot. and if you mess it up, you make a 2nd shot like your life depended on it. You don’t just suggest a 2nd meeting – you blockade the roads, hire sky writing, call non stop for an entire day – and deliver such a radically improved option that the other person can’t turn down. That is, if you want to achieve your goal. If you want to dissolve the partnership then your silence does the job. Don’t resign with silence and then claim you didn’t. Show some respect for other peoples time who may value it more than your worthless waste of a “wash, rinse, repeat” existence and understand that there are no do-overs.

These things should be obvious.

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