Woke up at 2AM to get out of Dodge if we’re pretending that Florida is called “Dodge”. Dropped my sister off at Orlando airport but it was too crowded for me so I went to the Tampa airport 45 minutes away.
While at Orlando airp I did a Facebook Places check-in. I clicked Orlando International Airport as the place I was at and for my “what are you doing there” I wrote “bout to get high”. Except Facebook didnt post the full name. It just said “Orlando”. So I told everyone I was “bout to get high in Orlando”. That’s fkkn gay. You’re retarded, Facebook. Now I have to wait MONTHS to repeat that awesome joke cuz you friggin ruined it. God damn, we’re so fighting right now.
I otherwise had a great flight out of Tampa even though the last seat in First Class was the the one in front with no place for your bag. Otherwise it was fine – had a nice nap, listened to a little music, turned the fuck around and came back to Tampa because of some bullshit “overheating” warning issue on the plane – great stuff. So now i’m back at the gate on the ground after an emergency landing waiting for a new departure time of 3 o’clock EST.
seriously… ug. I tried to tell the captain – or wait, no, thats on a boat. pilot on a plane. whatever, it was a chick is the point so – I tried to tell the bitch behind the wheel (or steering rutter? idontfkkn know) that I ignore the check engine lights in my car like, all the time, and it’s not a big deal. but would they listen? nooOOooo. christ…
If anyones here in T, lets go see a dirty movie or smoke some crack behind a Bob Evans dumpster or something..
Or at least: anyone have a good Netflix suggestion? preferably something with a lot of nudity cuz im seated near a kids play area (chyea, they have those in friggin airports now. like, at the mall. just little slide and climby shit) and am ready to make this interesting.
UPDATE: That 3 o’clock time has been pushed back to 5. This is like a field trip. Except instead of a field, it’s an airport terminal and instead of going on a trip i’m stuck in an airport terminal…
UPDATE: Good news! the 5 o’clock flight was canceled leaving zero options left to go directly to my destination today. wait, did i say “good”? i meant to cry and whine that i want to go to sleep.
The pilot suggested I fly to Chicago and connect to Dallas from there… Tampa to Chicago to Dallas… tha faaaack? Flights are all full tomorrow (like, overbooked, full).
New plan is to fly to Miami at 5:30pm. then Dallas from there
Yes, I’m flying to Miami Florida from Tampa Florida to get to Dallas Texas… oh, you’re having a hard time visualizing how balls stoopidz that is? here:
UPDATE: Well at least Miami is warm. All the hotels near the airport are full though. Maybe if I just get drunk and pass out on the beach clutching my laptop bag that will be the same as a real sleep in a hotel.
UPDATE: Got shuttled to a Hilton. They not only refused to give me a “I know a guy who slept with Paris (twice)” discount but they want to charge me $1.61 for a god damn tooth brush. $1.61 extra just to scrub the cavity causing foam off my teeth? at $140 bucks a night? Fuck you Hiltons. Actually, I did get a $20 discount flirting with the chick at the front desk. and the guy at the front desk who took over when her computer quit working. But ima use that saved money on a prostitute, not a friggin tooth brush.
UPDATE: Well laa dee daa, boys and girls. Evidently silk boxers that outline my junk as if I were nude isnt “appropriate swimwear” here at the swankypants Miami Hilton. puh. The spa was closed anyway so idontevencare. JACUZZI PARTY IN ROOM 329 MOTHERFKKERRRRZZZZ! cept theres no jacuzzi in here. but this bath will fit 3 if one of them is Asian and I can swish around and blow bubbles n stuff.
UPDATE: how the hell do I miss shark week, EVERY God damn year… I havent seen a 7 day stretch of redundant shark story reenactments since like 2001.
UPDATE: aw hell no. Leslie Nielson died today. GREAT. Just what this day needed. I prepared for this years ago thinking his time was up but he kept on going. Now, without warning he kicks it. I usually expect a person won’t die if they havent done so by the time I expected them to.
and now… I pass out…
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