I’m home alone at my parents house, on the internet, reading a list of Cosmopolitan sex tips for women to please their men with. What could go wrong? This: most of the freak tips are harmless things we all do or have done, like “gently bite his scrotum” and so on, but this one made me particularly confused…
Sprinkle a little pepper…under his nose… right.. before.. – you’ll excuse me – he climaxes.. why? because “sneezing can feel similar to an orgasm and amplify the feel-good effects”… what… the fuck…
It’s weird, but I barely even noticed the ridiculous “sneezing is just like ejaculating” 8th-grade-girl sense of sexuality because my attention was on the shock that a mainstream print publication was actually perpetuating the idea that pepper will make you sneeze. what the hell? HOW? I’ve always wanted to know where and why that started. Pepper doesnt fkking make you sneeze. what are you people talking about?? they show it in cartoons all the time and I still don’t know what the crap is up with the mysterious pepper shaker you collect in the Chip N Dales Rescue Rangers Nintendo game. Greg from next door claimed that it was for use later in the game to make Fat Cat (the games final boss) sneeze, but this was never confirmed and appears to be false. but what the hell? pepper does not make you sneeze.
I was so weirded out over this that I actually went to go get some pepper and put it under my nose to try to induce sneezing… then I thought..wait… bad idea…
Because with my luck, I would accidentally snort it and it would hit a nerve that caused a nervous system chain reaction that put me into cardiac arrest or something that would cause injury or death and the first thing the investigators at my crime scene are gonna see is a computer screen with a webpage open that endorses sneezing with pepper as a sexual aid….
You ALMOST got me that time Satan. but nuh uh. not happenin.
I put the pepper back, came back to write this blog, and only NOW will I go try it out, now that the explanation is “out there” as they say…
Maybe pepper doesn’t make YOU sneeze…