The Poolman Who Tried to Kill Me. and (spoiler alert) Failed

A ring at my door revealed a guy holding a pool skimmer saying he was “taking over pool maintenance for the area” and said my side-gate was locked… Which means he planned to just walk in, which I wasn’t pleased about, but what I was more displeased about was the possibility that he was actually here to murder me…

I mean, c’mon…Random guy I’ve never seen before tried to just walk into my back yard with no warning? Not terribly unrealistic if his story is true and he is new to taking over my area. Pool maintainers don’t normally check in with the resident before servicing the water hole out back – they just go round and do it – but my guy comes on Tuesdays and in the morning and this was a not-Tuesday and in the afternoon.

I had him go back to his pickup truck and get a card and he said he didn’t have any of his own left but he could get one from his boss. OH REALLY??????

Actually, it looked legit enough to take the risk of having a possible murderer invited into my property so I accepted the card and escorted him around the side.

He was a middle aged white guy who arrived at my house in an unmarked black truck and was wearing black gloves, which all made me think “thinly disguised hit man” but I figured that if he’s already cased it on Google Earth to find out that there is a pool in the back yard at all and then researched the location enough to know to mention to me that he was sent by the “property management” – letting him case the rear of my home is the least of my worries.

He was holding a skimmer, like I said, (which I watched closely, half-expecting him to pull apart to reveal some double-edged Darth Maul shit or something) came to the back and took some water samples, asked if there was anything wrong with the pool and then I walked him back out.

He asked to confirm that his just showing up would “be a problem” and I said yes because I have to unlock and disable the camera alerts for the scheduled time (which is true. I have cameras pointing at every entrance to my property that pop up alerts on my idevices when they detect movement and I turn those alerts off during the scheduled poolguy times), even though the REAL problem with him just walking into the back at any time – aside from possibly cutting my throat while I’m innocently nestled in my surrounding cushion of Beanie Babies – is that the time I spent walking him around back was the most time I’ve spent non-nude in my back yard all summer.

So he said he would tell the management to call me at least the day before with what the schedule is intended to be.

All legit, right? So I took those pictures of his car and his face with my phone for nothing, you say?

Well…having an assistant text my regular pool guy revealed that he knew nothing about any kind of change and as far as he knew, everything was normal. ALSO: The website on the card he gave me has only talk about pool construction, not maintenance…

Suspicious as fudge, until… my regular pool guy said that the pool company he worked for was the same on the card I had. hmm. So actually not really that odd after all.

Facts are just that a guy who produced a card for the pool company currently servicing my pool said he was going to start servicing my pool, looked at my pool after taking a water sample and peeking at the meters and left

I wouldn’t say its impossible that its a scam or that he’s not going to come back and try and choke me out with a metal wire and steal my Nightmare Before Christmas memorabilia but i’d say given whats known, its unlikely enough to risk continuing to live here.

For now…