Trix are for everyone

The Trix rabbit should just come over my house some time. I’d hook his ass up with some cereal. And if any annoying friggin kids tried to come over and take it away I’d shoot em with paintballs or something.

I don’t really like Trix, but it was my forbidden fruit for so many years growing up, so I know how he feels. In 3rd grade I went to see Priesto (a priest that did stage magic. yes, I’m serious) perform one night at my Catholic school on Long Island and he called a volunteer up to the stage and promised them a box of tricks. When they left, the gag was that he gave them a box of Trix [badumcha]. The audience laughed but I was envious. The next day when the kids were talking about it, I wanted that damn box of delicious fruit shaped kernals of joy. I hated that bitch for at least a week out my jealousy.

If the Trix rabbit wants Trix, he should be able to have it. It’s not like he was stealing them like the Cookie Crisp bandit or Barney with Freds Pebbles. He isn’t a little faggot like Lucky (who totally deserved to have his breakfast Charms stolen by children) or some kind of psycho animal like the Honeycombs puffball hell chihuahua.

He was just. a rabbit. A poor frigging rabbit that loved Trix cereal. And for no reason other than cruel elitist exclusivity, those obnoxious little children would take it away from him. Big deal you little bastards. You can overpower a fkking bunny. Good job. I hope you feel really good about yourself. Told to share all your life and then when you know this is the one thing this mascot wants, and you yank it away from him every time.

Well alright. KIDS. Lets do a little thought experiment. How would you like it if I did that to you, ya little snots? Hm? Oh, wanna drive a car? Driving is for adults! Wanna try some beer? Beer is for adults! Wanna have some sex? Sex is for adults! How do like THAT shit hm?
Well. I guess you DO hear those things a lot. But that’s different cuz you do them anyway. The Trix rabbit can’t. Except for that one time. But that was only after years of abuse, causing layers of psychological damage.

In my world. Trix are for everyone. You want some Trix? You go right a-fkkn-head my friend.
I am a cereal Libertarian. And that’s why I need your vote next November to help take this country back for the people.

Richard for president 2008.