When I see a girl on Tinder that I’ve already swiped before I always assume she’s re-appearing in my deck because she accidentally Nope’d me in what was immediately identified as a life-changing mistake and was so traumatized at having missed out on all of *this* that she deleted her account to wipe her account clean and then made a new one right away to come find me.
Naturally, I imagine she has spent weeks, or more, changing her location to find me in her swipe deck again and spends the majority of her day frantically swiping while frustratedly growling “come on, come on” in a hushed tone over a fastly beating heart as she obsessively pursues this emerald eyed Adonis she mistakenly closed the door to in her foolish haste.
Outdated Tinder clipart courtesy of Outdated Tinder Press Release
As the days go on and I fail to appear in her deck I assume she has tried to contact Tinder about the issue and has developed multiple eating disorders and began to self-harm as a schizophrenic alter ego starts to taunt her in her downward spiral into depression and inner destruction as she starts to doubt and eventually hate everything about herself – since, after all – who could love or respect a monster who would be capable of rejecting, even by accident, such a perfect creature.
When I see these girls re-appear in my deck I assume I have already appeared in theirs and that sometime in the previous 24 hours, at long last their great nightmare was over and they were able to rectify their horrible mistake. I conclude that they achieved the peace they had been so frantically chasing when they were finally given the 2nd chance to Swipe-Right and mark their interest and begin the wait until their dreams come true and I do the same, resulting in a match that would open the doors to my coveted communication, lavish wedding, 3.5 children, and a litter of havanese puppies as we raise our glasses to a toast of our Tinder anniversary in an opulent resort in the south of France.
And then I swipe Left. Just because.
Only one chance to reject me, bitch. Better mean it and want it.
So much win. I was just *waiting* for the grand finale to be the “You can never commmmmeee back” dog from ADGTH. (Except, in this case, more like “you’ll never even get to come for the firssst time…”)Per yooj, you did not disappoint.