You know you’re a nerd when you’re waiting in line at Burger King to purchase a $10.00 burger and fries at LAX (airport) because the airlines have gotten so cheap, they don’t even feed you on 5 hour flights to New York anymore, and you decide to pass the mind numbingly long minutes away by remembering random facts you know by heart but can’t master very well at the time because you didn’t go to sleep the night prior. What am I talking about?
For instance: Who is Brian Williams, and who is Chris Wallace? Come on Richard. You know both these men and watch them regularly. But when you’re standing in line to buy a $10.00 burger and fries for a 5 hour flight to New York when you didnt sleep the night before – your memory plays tricks on you. So I thought about it. And timed it.
It took me 1 minute and 28 seconds to remember who was who – Brian Williams of course being Tom Brockaws replacement on NBC Nightly News and Chris Wallace being Tony Snow’s (who has colon cancer now I just read. poor guy) replacement on Fox News Sunday. Simple. But hard to remember for a mind that’s waiting in line at an airport Burger King to purchase a $10.00 burger and fries to go to New York since they don’t feed you on the planes anymore.
Some other brain teasers I floated around included but were not limited to – Who is John Gibson? (the freaky as hell albino looking host of The Big Story and author of Hating America, or some crap like that).
And oh ya. That flight to New York? Worst plane ride ever. I’ve been flying 4-12 times a year since I was a fetus and that was the most turbulent evil horror show I’ve had in an airplane. Everything was going fine until all of a sudden an hour into the flight (night flight) we start freakin doing loop de loops or some crap. The stewardesses are having crap out of their carts flying out everywhere and they’re not even picking em up – they’re just trying to get their asses to the back of the plane to get strapped into safety. And then the pilot comes over the intercom with his stupid calm “oh hey. surry aboot this little tiny notgonnakillyou bumpiness. Ima gonna fix that right now” lines and I kept thinking of the douchey little robot pilot on Star Tours at Disneyland where he’s like “I know this is your first time flying today. and its, MINE TOO. heh-ha!”
I was in the 4th to last row on the plane so I could see the entire body of the aircraft ahead of me violently shaking under the course weather. Holy crap it was bad. Notsomuch the massive left to right rattles that jostled the entire plane like a bitch who didn’t have dinner ready on time – those I can handle and I’m pretty used to – but the sudden and seemingly long dips sharply downward that made me think we were going to plummet from the sky in a fiery panic filled death was the part I didn’t somuch care for. Ya – I didn’t mention that Star Tours used to make me cry when I was little cuz I can’t handle the whole falling thing. And that ride isn’t even a real roller coaster. It’s a room that moves in sync with a video in front of you.
So ya – that and the Arabian gentleman 2 rows to my right screaming his head off and freaking the hell out didnt somuch aid in the pleasure factor in my flying experience. I kept a deadpan face that I think brought comfort to the people looking for reactions out of other passengers to dictate whether they should panic too or not, but I was screaming bloody murder in my head, listening to Feelin Groovy on my iPod the whole time. It was kinda poetic. I think i’ll reenact it with some stock footage or something when I get home.
So then my dad (flight dispatcher for American Airlines) acts like it was no big deal when I talk to him and is all like “so, it got a little choppy over Arizona eh?” and I’m like. shut up. I almost died.
Right now I’m sitting in a hotel lobby killing 2 hours before NY Johnny can come pick my ass up and bring it back to his house when he gets off work. I can’t connect to the nearest wireless internet beam, so I remembered that story and typed it out. It reminds me how interesting and awesome I am and that I need to chronicle my mental adventures in quirkiness much more often. Good thing I plan to. When I get home I’ve got some good stuff in the works. Some good. stuff. K. Putting in iPod headphones now. More blogging later…..
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