I’m falling asleep & my lips are dry but my house is too huge for me to travel the distance to where my chap stick is . Do me a favor if you’re reading this and know where I live: Go around back and enter my room through the pool-access door that I just unlocked but don’t disturb me, cuz duh – sleeping. Walk through the Grand Hall and take a right in the kitchen and grab the Vitamin Water chap stick sitting next to a bowl of chocolate covered goji berries and granola. Then come back into my sleeping chambers and paint my mouth with the stick, Sleeping Beauty style. Be sure not to wake me.

You can grab a sports drink or something on your way out and go home. Then never speak of this again and avoid direct eye contact with me for a week. Thnx