It’s an old joke that men don’t understand women and it’s accurate. But I am slowly observing and learning how little it goes the other way.
The problem with both genders is that they think the other thinks like them. This is false. The sexes are different in more ways than just physical plumbing. We are different in our very biochemistry. Testosterone and estrogen has affects on the brain and ones thought process. These affects are not insignificant.
One major way is sexuality. Men are visually stimulated. Women are not.
I hate that this is necessary, but because there is a hippie war on knowledge, people are falsely taught that generalizations are not possible to make because of exceptions within them. This of course makes no sense because a generalization is something that is generally true. The definition of the word means that it is not 100% true all of the time. “Seattle is a rainy city” does not mean that every single day, it rains in Seattle. It merely means the geographic point of that area is prone to raining.
Likewise, men are programmed to be visually stimulated, sexually. Women are stimulated by other factors concerning a mans behavior. The evolutionary reason for this is that men are looking to spread their seed and women are looking to raise said seed. Thus men are programmed to spot fertile women with traits that support childbirth while women are programmed to find traits in men that will sustain them. This is why fame and power is sexy to women even if the man is not physically attractive, while fame and power mean nothing to men in terms of sexuality. There is a reason why men would rather sleep with a hot waitress at Applebee’s than Joy Behar. It is the same reason why women would rather sleep with Hugh Hefner than a hot waiter at the same Applebee’s.
In terms of friendship, you have to understand this nature of the sexes.
Males are not interested in female friends. Unless you are 100% not attractive in any way, you do not have any male “friends”. You have people who are friendly to you, who want to sleep with you. If you’re fine with that then great. But don’t delude yourself. The only male “friends” that are possible are gay ones.
The reason is not because of anything wrong with you or anything wrong with them. It is coded into the male gender to see females as meat. As gentlemen, we can’t treat you like meat, and you shouldn’t allow yourself to be. But at our core primal instinct, that is what you are. You are not family, you are not friend, you are meat.
Taking that analogy to an actual comparison: Imagine it as a dog being “friends” with a steak. It is possible. But only through training and discipline. The dog can control themselves in behavior but not in chemical reactions. They will still always salivate when they’re around their steak-friend and always have that inclination to eat it. For a male, that is what it is like to be “friends” with an average-or-above looking female.
So hopefully you surround yourself with well trained gentlemen, ladies, but understand that some of us dogs are not that. These are the guys who make crass comments incessantly, send you dick pics, make passes at you, etc. It is because they constantly have that drive to do that and if they havent trained themselves to keep that natural biological proclivity in check, they will be sexually annoying and seemingly obsessive.
“BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU, RICHARD? YOU’RE MY FRIEND…ARENT YOU?…”
I understand this news is confusing to my female friends whom I am not trying to bed and show no signs of that bubbling under the surface, but you have to understand something very important about me: In absolutely no way am I an average male, and you should never ever compare average males to my behavior, life, or dynamic with other people.
I am different. If this is news to you, then you don’t know me very well.
That being said, however, I am not crazily radically different from my gender. Just different. And men reading this can learn from me if you too truly want to have female friends of your own that are actually friends and not just girls you’re trying to sleep with or would sleep with if given the chance at any given moment.
First the key is to know your nature that I described and 2nd is brutal and total honesty. Don’t be a creep. Don’t be a friendzoned weirdo. Pursue the women you want to sleep with. Don’t friend them. If it doesnt work out, move on. If they want to be friendly and you want that too, then fine, but dont lie to them or yourself about your attraction to them.
99.9% of my female friends are models/actresses. They’re all attractive. Usually my lady friends are ones who arent quite my type and that is how I get around my own proclivity but if one looks especially good in a photoshoot or something, I’m absolutely gonna comment on their sexability. I like boobs just as much as the next dude and theres nothing wrong with that.
So that’s all you really need to do:
1- Understand the nature of the sexes
2- Be appropriate to your relationship and trust of and to the other person
3- Be 100% honest at all times
and you’ll be fine. You’ll never be a creep and you’ll never be confused.
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