My next video blog (and by “next” i probably mean “next year”) is going to be about how I never try to sound smart despite people constantly being suspicious that i am trying to impress them with my mental dexterity.
I met this girl in an entertainment industry venue (you know i dont like to “brag” or name drop on specifics with that crap, but it wasnt porn this time) and she asked if I had a day job in addition to this Hollywoodz stuff, so I mentioned how I talk to the internet through text and video like its my friend for the other half of my living. to cut off what seemed like 30 minutes of a “wtf?” facial reaction from her, I asked the same of her to be polite even though I didnt give a shit and she said she’s a phlebotomist. so i said “cool”. but “cool” wasn’t a good enough response i guess cuz then she goes on to explain that a phlebotomist draws your blood in a hospital. i said, ya, i know. and she didn’t believe me. “no you didn’t, but its ok, no one does” she tells me… well, I have a cousin who’s a phlebotomist, but i decide mm-nn – not gonna let her off the hook with that explanation here. you called me out so now you’re gonna get it…
So I asked her what phlebotomy means and she repeats “its the person who takes your blood at a hospital”… lulz.. i say, thats a phlebotomIST. what does phlebotomy *mean*, do you know? and she says “to draw blood”… myea. no. and in deadpan casualness i tell this stunned whore that the word is actually a combo of 2 Greek words… phleps is “vein” and tomos is “cutting”. phleptomology (a word i made up) is the cutting and drawing blood that you do for a living…
She was of course thrown way off balance that i knew that and became awkward and frustrated, no doubt thinking i set up a trap for her to make her feel dumb. but i didnt… i only know that whole Greek word combo bullshit cuz i kept having ticks crawl on me in texas last week and i Wikipedia’ed them and related blood suckers to learn about thine enemy.
The usual response to this is to write me off as “trying” to sound smart. Like that’s a burn. Like Michael Phelps is just “trying” to be a gold medal winning Olympian or Mother Theresa was just “trying” to help the sick and dying people of Calcutta.
Whats worse is that I WOULD never try to sound smart. Strap me to a lie detector: I would ALWAYS rather have ignorance or outright stupidity assumed of me than carry around an air of intellect. I NEVER want the supposition that I’m smarter than I really am to precede me. That’s just an invitation for disappointment. No thanks. Assume or think-with-evidence that i’m a dummy please.
I’m not even all that smart. i just know stuff. i cant help that. i’m the dude from Slumdog Millionaire, except with a slightly better tan. i learn random stuff in life and remember it when it comes up in random contexts later on. so spare me the tying me up and torturing and just believe it n rek-anize.
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