I’ve found an awesome new hobby that I love and recommend you all to try wherever possible. It’s a fun game, and all you need to play are a few girls you used to go out with but have since popped out at least one female child, to request to be your friend on Facebook and Myspace.
It’s called “casually mention to your ex girlfriends who already have kids, that you will have sex with their daughters in around 18 years”. Trust me, I’m a pro. its awesome. I’ve done it 3 times this week. Didn’t plan it. It just happened that 3 exes with kids messaged me on either Facebook or Myspace in a row – and in the order of which I dated them (weird).
Here’s what to expect and how to counter if you wanna play at home: First get your introductions out of the way. Don’t be creepy and put this in your first reply. come around to it naturally. Also, don’t say anything specific about the kid or it’ll throw you off your game. Its best to not see any of their pictures if you can avoid them. Not seeing them currently as kids will help keep you in the mindset of saying inappropriate things to their mothers about them as adults. Click on a diaper & barbies image and you’re gonna feel gross (and if you don’t, I want you arrested) messaging mom sayin “I’m gonna hit that”. Remember that the point is to make them uncomfortable, not you. So focus….
They’ll start by laughing it off. They don’t have to entertain it as a real possibility because, as they’re quick to point out – their daughters will not be interested in a wrinkly old man such as that which you’ll have become. All 3 of them pointed out that I’d be 40 by then. FORTY! after all – what 18 year old wants to bang a 40 year old? Except, riddle me this bitches: how many 18 year olds DON’T want to bang Johnny Depp right now?… Exactly. mgess whut darlin? dude’s 45.
This is when they start to sweat… the acute possibility is very real to them now. so its precisely the time to move in to solidify your point: lets say worst comes to worst and my years of crystal meth addiction and cancer inducing sun damage makes me age more in the fashion of a Hefner than a Depp. Hef having trouble gettin on peoples 18 year old daughters?
Drive the knife in deeper: “Good thing you don’t have anything to worry about though since teenage girls never rebel against their parents. Especially with promiscuity… you know. like you didn’t”. Now, obviously this won’t work if they really didn’t since that’ll put a damper on the art of sarcasm here, but hopefully if you’re like me and lacked the confidence and foresight to not date sluts – you’ll be ok on this front.
This accurate though biting point puts them into full blown panic. they still want to convince you it won’t happen, but really they have accepted that its out of their hands and are begging you to not try. stand your ground. Keep your words polite. never say anything vulgar. your goal is the result I got all 3 times in my experiments: Defeat and acceptance that one day, should you choose, you WILL have intercourse with their daughter(s). they admit that its not only possible, but likely should I choose to advance upon them and while mostly hating the idea, they can’t help but not blame their daughters, should they want to get with the awesomeness that is me.
Now all you do is sit back and enjoy the results. The outcome is an interesting brew of saddness at realizing that their days of youthful teenage fun are not on a break: they’re over; mixed with the jealousy that those days will be just beginning with their daughters – and with the same male, no less – added to the fact that they are powerless to stop them and even if they could, wouldn’t really want to deny them the experience.
It will be exactly like the end of the original Peter Pan novel, shown here in the 1960 version of the stage play: Peters returns when Wendy is old and cannot go to Neverland with him, but her daughter Jane?….
Ladies…
this is your future…
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