I was on about 648 of my daily 800 laps in my Olympic size pool and came across a snail all tucked in its stupid shell hanging upside down from the edge of lip of the concrete rim of the pool. The waves from my massive man-strokes were smacking against it and apparently it not only didn’t care, but thought this was a pretty cool place to hang out.
Um. Wrong.
For one, every wave that hits it drags gross slimy snail-slime back into the pool where my face is. Wtf. And for two – since when is hanging over water a good idea for animals that can’t swim. Not only can’t swim, but can’t even flail about until they reach something to save them. What a loser. And hello – have you never heard of fish that wait for stuff like that to fall in so they can snatch them up? Some even spit water at bugs to make them fall in so as to be eaten. This snail didn’t know I don’t have those in my pool. God.
I plucked it off and tossed it into the garden where it will re-emerge and eat my flowers now. Totally lame.
I’ve met a lot of slimy creatures in my day, but I’m gonna go ahead and say that out of all the coiled shell molluscan class Gastropoda on this earth, the North American garden snail is the dumbest.
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