I’ve been employing the use of The Box for many years now and its about time I’ve written of it publicly so those outside my inner circle may know of it and fear its usage.
The Box is where you go when you have become so frustratingly uncooperative that the only wakeup call I am left with to convey my point is to cut you off from me. Duration of your sentence depends on the context and severity of your crime. Could be an hour. Could be a day. Could be a week or more. It’s basically a Richard Time Out. It means I will ignore your calls and contacts until your time is up.
Sounds stupid and conceited to you, I’m positive but its actually something I’m very proud of and that is because it isn’t used as a snotty social tactic or manipulation or any of that nonsense – it is a last resort that only, and I mean ONLY, works if the issuer holds this one standard to themselves: to live your life in such a way that your very absence of it from another’s, is itself, punishment… and that’s it. No petty squabbling – no obsession for revenge or attempts to counteract after fights or any of the stupid time wasting foolishness that people engage in every day as a way to deal with the times they conflict with others. Instead – just an isolation. If that is not punishment to the person then great – awesome – they probably should not be my friend in the first place. And with multiple Box placements, I guarantee they wont be for long.
And I don’t advocate it just for me – I encourage all of you to employ the Richard Box system as well and that does NOT mean “cut people off when they annoy you” – it means simply as I said… to make a clear break when one side is being irrational and not listening to reason while the other is trying to get them to snap out of it and has no other choice. If the persons reaction is “um. Whatever” then that’s fantastic because you have both gained clarity about your relationship (mainly: that this person does not value your presence in their life all that much). If the person is upset by this then of course it is even more fantastic because it means that something can actually come from this that will rectify the problem that was going on. There is no downside to The Box system when executed properly…
This wasn’t where I got the idea for The Box, but a 1997 episode of Friends had a humorously similar premise that was played out in a very literal sense where Chandler was made to stay in an actual physical box for a period of time as penance to Joey. –And that is the underlying issue here… when you harm someone you like with your behavior – you owe them something. Every single time. I certainly live by that rule. We cant get along if you don’t as well…
To quote Chandler: The meaning of the box has 3 points to it…
1. it gives me time to think of what i did
2. it proves i care about my friendship with Joey
3. it HURTS
(UPDATE: This blog was written before the invention of Youtube, but now that it exists, theres no reason to keep the link to the .wmv file. Here’s a dandily handy Youtube embed-in-stead) –
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