I let comments on youtube, myspace, facebook, email, twitter and elsewhere pile up most of the time and i never want to come off as cold to the public taking the time to contact me so every few weeks i go on a commenting and messaging blitz and knock out a large percentage of whats piled up with responses. On Christmas eve and Christmas day, I was on fire – blazing through dozens of replies – a feat which i take pride in since i dont do copy-and-paste messages and i dont say generic stupid shit. So there I am shooting dozens of well wishes, friendly replies, pat-on-the-backs, genuine compliments, holiday well-wishes and thanks-for-watchings like a pro… and then the replies to my replies start coming in…
Between 20 and 40 of them were annoyed that I was being a jerk in my messages. Thats right.. even when doling out interaction with my internet watchers for Christmas, i’m the bad guy. ug… I can’t put what percentage that is because I dont know how many messages I sent in total, but it’s a low percent. Still, in endless effort to better myself, I sought to crunch the numbers and figure out if I was really being inapropes or if these people are just whiny little jerkoffs. Keeping in mind my sometimes-improper nature, I went back and checked what I was saying to these people that made them say wtf instead of omgzThanks. The results of my analysis divided into the types of messages people thought were jerky:
1) Short comments come off as cold.
Some of the short replies made people think I was rephrasing a big eff-you in the form of a friendly natured gesture. I learned that replies such as a “thank you” make you an asshole to many people on the internetz. This sucks because it reaffirms the sad truth I already knew about the dreaded smiley… I hate adding unnecessary winky smilies to messages as a way of disarming them to insure they are taken in a light hearted spirit and thus usually don’t use them. However, if you’re just messaging strangers… unfortunately, it is sometimes necessary as a sign of good faith that you are being friendly. I still hate it though. It’s one thing to say “I’d rape you silly ;)” as opposed to typing that to someone without the smiley face but something as simple as “hello” without a 🙂 can mean in internet terms, “I hate you”..
For instance a reply of simply “thanks” was met by this sensitive percentage as being tart – however, “thanks :)” disarms that notion because the reader imagines you smiling when you say it instead of stabbing a picture of their grandma holding a kitten like the way most people say “thanks” in real life.
2) Casual ribbing, and jokes are not okay unless you’re BFFS.
Even though 90% of the messages that contained good natured prodding quickly followed up with unmistakably nice things – the recipient focused only on the negative and completely looked past the context that made those negative words NOT SERIOUS. It would be like the rape example (which is just an example, by the way. i didnt comment any strangers with jokey comments about how i wanna rape them, fyi) followed by a paragraph of chatting and you getting a reply as if ALL you said to them was how you wanna ra—no, this is a bad example. Forget that. I’ll use a real one that happened: I told one person their awesomely designed page was so great that i “kindov hate them with jealousy”, then said 2 more sentences commenting on other aspects (positive) and wished them a merry christmas. They replied with unhappy faces of disappointment on me hating them… oy.
3) Answering questions instead of talking about other stuff is rude.
Sometimes answering questions is not enough. Many people who asked me something were disappointed when all I did was answer instead of… idk what. They never answer when I ask. I’ve encountered this one on Instant Messages for years. I’ll get asked something, answer it, and then I’m a jerk. I’ll get a “fine. god” or a “whatever” as they leave. the fuck? What do these people expect from me?
While I’m normally inclined to write these people off as over sensitive fools in need of destruction – I apologized to every single person who thought my comments were negative. Why? Because I started it. I didnt have to reply but I did. I did it to make them feel good. A friendly hello or a compliment or horsing around from a stranger is something everyone normal likes – however, sometimes circumstances and context can align just the wrong way to where reception is negative. Why make it worse or ignore it? It costs you nothing to give a “my bad” and mean it – which you should if your original intention was really to be friendly.
Later in the evening however, this amazingly dumb snot on Facebook picked a fight with me on one friends account and then carried it over to another mutual friends comments. I handled that one like I do all spiteful jerks and assholes: by responding to them forever. For-EVER. Because the whole point of being a snotty insult flinger is to put down people, feel good about yourself and leave. When I don’t allow that process to complete itself by blocking the “leave feeling good about yourself” part, they flip. and this bitch flipped. It’s entertaining, it was fun for me, torturous for her, and you will love it like candy. Tune in later for the Jordy-jomp slapdown and in the meantime have a great Christmas weekend, hopefully remembering to spread happiness and build people up – not try and knock people down and make them feel bad (cuz if you do, i will make you feel WORSE. whore). 🙂
I end with a poem: Spreading joy and good cheer to those far and near, except when they sneer and throw me a jeer so i just make things clear and chug down a beer as soon they will hear that thing that they fear: I published your comments so everyone can see what a hateful fuck you are.
The End
/Beginning 🙂
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