In a previous installment almost one year ago, I logged how I thought I was getting poisoned by tea I was drinking, and I guess in a way I was, but the point is that it wasn’t poison-tea – it was poison-ME.
Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnn
I have a gut problem that is getting worse and worse. It was initially triggered by a blend of herbal tea leaves and plan parts (flowers and buds and little sprinkle things that I think are some kind of dandelion effect from its original plant?) I was drinking a lot of, causing me to balloon up with crazy uncomfortable gas bubbles in my abdomen that caused hardcore aches and were relieved only by the most cartoonish belching you’ve ever heard. Like, Wackkorotti (Wacko from Animaniacs’ classical musician name) levels of belching.
For-Real-Tho – there were more than a few times when I vomited air in the back yard… That’s right – I said – *vomited air*: all the signs of throwing up – the heaving the forced spewing like ribbons out of a clowns mouth – except no vomit. No spittle even. No acid, no regurgitated bits, no little glops of horror – nuthin but gas. Which I feel like has never happened to a person before. Cuz are you picturing what I’m describing? I was throwing up… air… I wish I had it on video but like I said – I sequestered myself in the back yard almost always at night to pace around listening to a podcast and just belch it on out for a couple hours (literally 1-2+ hours before its relieved).
Is this too gross to be talking about publicly? Whatever. I’m just glad the issue is 100% in the attic and never the basement, youknowwhatimtalkinabout? The gas never manifests as flatulence – always as burping. Which means its not a bowel problem that most of these tummy medicines are for, right? It’s gotta be, like, a blockage in my tubes. That’s what it feels like.
Symptoms appear to be stomach ulcers but
1- why would I have stomach ulcers? Isn’t that for old people with other problems and/or wicked people? (I’m such a jerk, I have this pagan mindset that ulcers or lesions are a sign of internal evil. God, what an idiot).
And, somewhat more logically –
2- none of the home remedies for ulcers – from yogurts to seedlings – are doing anything. I’m also 99% sure I didn’t mean to say “seedlings” just there – I think that was an autocorrect but I can’t remember what I meant to type instead. What helps stomach ulcers that is similar type-ish to “seedling”? Fennugreek seeds maybe. That’s a thing that I tried that the internet said would be helpful but actually just aggravated it. Same with garlic – I eat garlic cloves chopped up just to send those little jerks into battle to fight the monster in there but it just causes more bloat and burping.
Anyway, the point is that whether its ulcers or some other rotten tumtum issue – all the home remedies make mine worse. This includes teas, yogurt, those-things-I-just-mentioned, and even anti-gas over the counter medication.
Developing…
Leave a Reply