The Post-Richard Lifechange

Idk why, but it’s happened every time… I leave every girl ex cute, mentally healthy and blonde and after just 3-8 months without me they go chubby, mentally unstable and brunette. oh, and they never want to talk to me or acknowledge that I exist, no matter how amicable the divorce. Every time*.
*(for relationships lasting more than 4 months). 

It’s so consistent that it’s become a joke among my friends who have separately noticed the trend and commented on it not knowing that it has been a known and observed pattern.

I don’t have a concrete explanation for it but I suspect it has something to do with a feeling of reinvention being necessary due to the relationships failure. Like, if it didn’t work out with someone as perfect as THAT, then I’ve gotta start-the-fuck-over and change some major stuff – but since they’re not very deep, the best they can do is to switch up their hair and go natural or dye dark since the latter is forbidden in a Rich-relache – they rely on comfort food and alcohol which packs on the pounds. Sad.


Image by Ashley of MissAshleyPants.com

The cutting-me-off part is more annoying cuz its a personal insult. Suddenly because “we” don’t exist anymore, then “I” don’t exist to them anymore. I have my theories on that one too but they’re not as funny as bitches goin dark haired and fat. puh. girls are so lame. My guess is that they’re embarrassed and want to erase the previous experience from their record because they feel like it cheapens the next one they engage in. The weird part is that with the ones I have in mind…they are correct. Because they werent so much into “me” as they were into being in a relationship. They’re the kind of broken chick who is “in love” with every guy she’s ever dated. If you wanna see the depth of your girl – nonchalantly probe her on her previous boyfriend and the one before him. Did she “love” them? Guess what? she’s gonna “love” the next one too. and the one after him until one of them marries her. It doesn’t mean she doesnt have feelings for you or is lying to you or even herself – it just means she’s in love with being in love. Or the less romantic version: she’s a broken ass bitch looking for a male companion and will latch on to whomever she gets along with.

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